In just a few days I was getting used to his smells and his sighs and his clanking around in the kitchen looking for something to eat. And slowly everything was falling back into place.

‘Daisy’s sleeping.’ Ben went into the cupboard and pulled out a jar of coffee. He turned and shook the jar in my direction.

‘Er, yes son, coffee would be great. Sleeping, you say? Do you feel like doing something today? With your old mum.’

Ben filled the kettle up, replaced it on its base and flicked the switch. He then busied himself with adding sugar and coffee granules to his favourite large brown mug; never removed from where I always hoped he would return one day to reach for it.

‘I’ve got to keep an eye on Daisy. You know, make sure she doesn’t veer off…’

‘Veer off?’

‘Yeah, you know?’

‘No, son. I don’t.’ I finally turned to face Ben and saw his pent-up expression.

‘Well, she lost her best friend and everything she owns is in smithereens. She’s hanging on by a thread right now, Mum. And you know, she’s six months’ pregnant. I need to keep a special eye on her.’

I moved to the fridge with a cloth and began wiping stray crumbs from the shelves. I let the tight feeling in my stomach disintegrate. There was time, just be patient. Ben dropped the teaspoon into the mug with a loud clash of metal on porcelain.

I heard Ben pouring boiling water into the mug, stirring it and then putting the spoon down on the kitchen surface. I didn’t hear him make a second cup. I could feel the coffee seeping from the teaspoon into the work surface and staining it. It was something he always had done. I should have picked him up on it ages ago, but there had been years of removing those teaspoons from the counter. I had learnt to swallow down the frustration because I wanted Ben so much and to have him in my life was nothing more than a miracle. I had Ben and I would always be thankful for that.

But today I felt the rage of anger bubble up inside me – why was he still choosing her over me! I felt the urge to rush at Ben and throw his head against a kitchen cupboard. How could he have been so stupid, so naïve, as to get with a woman like Daisy? The deceit, the lies? But he was too tall and strong for me. I would have to make do with the only other weapon I had. My words. I had held my tongue for too long.

‘You barely breathed a word about her until you were… married!’ I spat the word out as though it were about to sting me in the mouth. I looked at Ben with disgust as he stood casually sipping his coffee. ‘Now here she is licking her wounds, nursing her grief in my bed, under my roof. You barely know her for god’s sake, son!’