It had been almost a month since I last saw Ben and the first time I met Daisy. Her face had plagued me ever since. But now I knew who she was.

I was still being tortured daily by the face from the TV screen in the village as well. I didn’t need to be reminded of that face that I had been trying to forget for decades so I forced it out of my mind, the way I had before. It was why I chose not to have a television or a radio in the house. I couldn’t stand the things anyway, so much noise and invasion.

I was so pleased when Ben said he would come for Christmas Day. Christmas Day is my favourite day of the year. I always make it so special for him. Of course, she will be here too, but to have Ben near me again is worth the stress of having her in the house.

I carried on with my chores for the morning. I folded some towels and took them to the airing cupboard on the landing. As I laid them on the shelf, my eyes were drawn to the floor at the back. I stretched my neck to get a better look and there was a pale blue piece of material. I leant in at an angle and felt around until I grasped a softness between my thumb and forefinger. I pulled it out and immediately recognised it as Ben’s old comfort blanket. I was surprised to see it after so long and the memories of seeing him holding it as a small boy came flooding back. I longed for those days again.

It had been washed so many times and was frayed around the edges. One corner still bore the effects of Ben’s consistent rubbing and the crochet pattern had expanded apart and created a larger gap with two thick edges on either side. After the rubbing created the hole, Ben sought comfort in those thick sturdy edges.

I headed downstairs, clutching Ben’s blanket, and poured myself a large brandy. Brandy always relaxed me.

Then, once it had done its job, I began to look around at my achievements. The lounge looked glamorous, the food I had stored in the larder would be delectable and moreish, the lights would sparkle with fairy tale magic and the house would be filled with Christmas carols. There was just no other time of year like it.

I had no idea what sort of Christmas Daisy expected, but I did things my way in this house. My Ben and I had always had the most perfect time. I may not have been able to give him the nuclear family, but one thing I did do was make Christmas special.

I had always struggled. And as a single mother, it was harder still. Things took longer as a result. I was sure that was why it took Ben forever to smile at me, but when he finally did I was moved to tears. All that effort and hard work had finally paid off. I can’t say it was easy. There were times when I just wanted to give up completely. But I knew I couldn’t. He was my son. So I made it work. I came through the bleak period. I suppose every first-time mum experiences the blues in the beginning. I just wasn’t prepared for it though. When you want something so badly, you don’t expect it to bring a feeling of panic and despair. However, once we were out of that dark phase, Ben began to thrive.