Thoughts were rushing round my head. Where was Ben? Why wasn’t he here? Had I really pushed him away with what I had said? As my body flooded with adrenaline and all the right hormones I needed to bring the baby into the world, so in turn did it replace any of the effects of the drugs I had been taking. Suddenly I felt more free than I had felt in months. Although my uterus was contracting and the pain was unbearable, I was no longer feeling any of the dark fears and thoughts I had been experiencing since Eve’s death and Ben’s disappearance.

If I could get through this, I could get through anything.

The next contraction came quicker than the last and I couldn’t repress the animalistic sound that erupted from my mouth.

‘Arrrrrghhhhh!’ I leant over the side of the pool.

After another hour of contractions that were getting closer together, there was nothing I could do, except hold on whilst I let out a long groan at the height of the contraction. It simmered away, as though someone was turning it down with a dial. I took the time to breathe in and out. I looked around the dimly lit room. Annie had closed all the curtains. There was a faint smell of lavender in the air.

‘They are coming fast now, dear. Stand up so I can see your back.’

‘What… why?’ I cried

‘Because your lower back will give me some indication as to whether the baby is coming or not.’

I wanted to get this baby out of me and as she and I were the only ones here, we were going to have to work together at it.

I pulled myself forward to expose a little of my back. Annie had a torch in her hand and was waving it around,

‘Oh yes, that’s it. I can see it. Baby won’t be long now.’

‘It’s coming out of my vagina, not my back,’ I wailed.

‘Your back is stretching and changing colour, which means baby is on his way. Can you stay on all fours, so I can catch him? When you feel the next big contraction, can you push all the way into your bottom?’

For a moment I was back in the delivery room with Heidi and moments away from meeting Alice. I realised I was crying.

The next contraction came and I used all my energy to push very hard into my bottom as instructed, finding that it eased the pain. The more I pushed, the more I wanted to push the pain away.

‘Oh look, I see the head, I see the head!’ Annie cried out.

‘Arrrrrghhhhhhhh! What do I do?’ I held onto the side of the pool as the pain ripped through my body from my head to my toes.

‘Just wait for the next contraction, then push again. Let’s get this little baby out of you.’

It didn’t take long; the contractions had been coming seconds apart and with the next one I did as I was instructed and pushed.