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Chapters (103)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. BEFORE
  5. PEYOTE
  6. PART I
  7. PEYOTE
  8. LILY
  9. PEYOTE
  10. MICKEY
  11. PEYOTE
  12. MICKEY
  13. PEYOTE
  14. SILAS
  15. PEYOTE
  16. MICKEY
  17. LILY
  18. PEYOTE
  19. MICKEY
  20. PEYOTE
  21. LILY
  22. PEYOTE
  23. MICKEY
  24. PEYOTE
  25. PART II
  26. LILY
  27. PEYOTE
  28. SILAS
  29. PEYOTE
  30. MICKEY
  31. PEYOTE
  32. MICKEY
  33. LILY
  34. PEYOTE
  35. SILAS
  36. PEYOTE
  37. LILY
  38. PEYOTE
  39. MICKEY
  40. PEYOTE
  41. LILY
  42. MICKEY
  43. PEYOTE
  44. SILAS
  45. PEYOTE
  46. MICKEY
  47. PEYOTE
  48. LILY
  49. PEYOTE
  50. SILAS
  51. PEYOTE
  52. MICKEY
  53. PEYOTE
  54. SILAS
  55. PEYOTE
  56. LILY
  57. PEYOTE
  58. SILAS
  59. PEYOTE
  60. LILY
  61. PEYOTE
  62. MICKEY
  63. LILY
  64. PEYOTE
  65. PART III
  66. LILY
  67. PEYOTE
  68. LILY
  69. PEYOTE
  70. LILY
  71. PEYOTE
  72. MICKEY
  73. PEYOTE
  74. LILY
  75. PEYOTE
  76. MICKEY
  77. PEYOTE
  78. SILAS
  79. PEYOTE
  80. MICKEY
  81. PEYOTE
  82. LILY
  83. PEYOTE
  84. LILY
  85. PEYOTE
  86. MICKEY
  87. PEYOTE
  88. SILAS
  89. PEYOTE
  90. SILAS
  91. LILY
  92. SILAS
  93. PHILIP
  94. PEYOTE
  95. LILY
  96. PEYOTE
  97. LILY
  98. PEYOTE
  99. AFTER
  100. PEYOTE
  101. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  102. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  103. What’s next onyour reading list?

THE NEXT TIME SHE saw Sarah, the sun was reaching its crescendo in gold above the lake, and Lily had all but forgotten her. She was focused on Silas and their friends, the people who were supposed to be there. But when Terrance and Alex moved the folding table into the shallow water to play beer pong, she reappeared.

“Come play with us!” Silas yelled across the lawn as soon as he saw her. Like he had been watching. Lily looked and missed her chance to deflect a shot.

“Boom! There goes your top, Thompson!” Terrance yelled.

Lily whined as she pulled her shirt up over her tanned shoulders. The neckline held her long blond hair as if in a loose fist until she shook it free and tossed the shirt onto the sand. She could feel all eyes on her.

All but his.

“I’ll be right back,” Silas said into her neck before setting off across the grass. Madeline sidled up to the table and handed Lily a shot of the Malibu like a doctor with a pain-management plan.

“What’s that about?”

“Nothing. He’s probably just worried about Phil. We haven’t seen him in a bit,” Lily answered, shaking her head as the booze went down. It tasted more like sunscreen than alcohol, but she liked the way it made her feel.

“Well, sure, if Sarah doesn’t get drunk enough tonight, Phil might never lose his virginity.”

“Damn, Maddie with the kill shot!” Terrance roared. “And who’s getting you drunk tonight?”

“I am,” Lily said, grabbing Madeline around the waist and play-biting her neck.

“I’d pay to see that,” Alex added.

“It’ll cost you your college fund.”

“Worth it. My parents don’t have high hopes for me anyway.”

“That’s unsurprising,” Lily said, and they all laughed.

—

AFTER TWO MORE GAMES, Lily went looking for Silas. She walked out of the water in her bathing suit, leaving her shorts and tank top on the beach. She had been working for this weekend, weighing herself and her limited portions of food as many times as she could in a day and taking the diet pills her mom had left in her bathroom drawer when cheer season started.

It was the greatest irony of her life: how much she hated her body and how much she lived for the attention it garnered.

She saw Philip exit the woods at a clip and turn to the house.

“Phil! Wait up!”

He stopped and looked toward her, but she couldn’t tell whether he was happy to see her. Either way, he waited.

“Where have you been hiding?” she asked, punching him playfully on the shoulder. Philip was bigger than Silas and thicker. He wasn’t unattractive; he just wasn’t Silas. If he had been related to anyone else, he could’ve had a very different experience. Even though Silas was younger, Philip was always known as Silas’s brother.

“Around,” he said.