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Chapters (103)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. BEFORE
  5. PEYOTE
  6. PART I
  7. PEYOTE
  8. LILY
  9. PEYOTE
  10. MICKEY
  11. PEYOTE
  12. MICKEY
  13. PEYOTE
  14. SILAS
  15. PEYOTE
  16. MICKEY
  17. LILY
  18. PEYOTE
  19. MICKEY
  20. PEYOTE
  21. LILY
  22. PEYOTE
  23. MICKEY
  24. PEYOTE
  25. PART II
  26. LILY
  27. PEYOTE
  28. SILAS
  29. PEYOTE
  30. MICKEY
  31. PEYOTE
  32. MICKEY
  33. LILY
  34. PEYOTE
  35. SILAS
  36. PEYOTE
  37. LILY
  38. PEYOTE
  39. MICKEY
  40. PEYOTE
  41. LILY
  42. MICKEY
  43. PEYOTE
  44. SILAS
  45. PEYOTE
  46. MICKEY
  47. PEYOTE
  48. LILY
  49. PEYOTE
  50. SILAS
  51. PEYOTE
  52. MICKEY
  53. PEYOTE
  54. SILAS
  55. PEYOTE
  56. LILY
  57. PEYOTE
  58. SILAS
  59. PEYOTE
  60. LILY
  61. PEYOTE
  62. MICKEY
  63. LILY
  64. PEYOTE
  65. PART III
  66. LILY
  67. PEYOTE
  68. LILY
  69. PEYOTE
  70. LILY
  71. PEYOTE
  72. MICKEY
  73. PEYOTE
  74. LILY
  75. PEYOTE
  76. MICKEY
  77. PEYOTE
  78. SILAS
  79. PEYOTE
  80. MICKEY
  81. PEYOTE
  82. LILY
  83. PEYOTE
  84. LILY
  85. PEYOTE
  86. MICKEY
  87. PEYOTE
  88. SILAS
  89. PEYOTE
  90. SILAS
  91. LILY
  92. SILAS
  93. PHILIP
  94. PEYOTE
  95. LILY
  96. PEYOTE
  97. LILY
  98. PEYOTE
  99. AFTER
  100. PEYOTE
  101. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  102. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  103. What’s next onyour reading list?

I tried to lift the lid of the cashbox, but it was locked. I pulled it out of the drawer and held it up to the meager yellow light.

“It was all a lie, you fucking prick,” Cal went on. “The Almighty War, the training, the key . . .”

I freed the key from the worn leather strap and slid it into the lock. It clicked.

“Cal?”

“But, hey, you got the water part right!” Cal said, laughing. “Bet that’s a surprise. Did you even know if there was a Hell? What about a Heaven?” I heard the sound of fabric gripped by a tight fist. “How sure are you now, Dad?”

“Cal,” I said again as I lifted the lid. I turned over a lot of rocks in my days in the Deals Department, rather excited to view the writhing mess underneath. But even though I knew enough from reading his file to know what made up this particular mess, this wasn’t my rock, and for the first time, that mattered to me.

“For the love of the dark, what, Peyote?”

“I found the key’s lock.”

I heard the General’s sagging sack of a body thud against the metal bed frame as Cal came up behind me.

“What are you talking about?”

But by then the box was open; the rock turned, and, even if I wanted to, there was nothing I could do to unturn it.

MICKEY

ornament

THE NIGHT AIR WAS cool, but Mickey felt warm all over. There were so many stars in the sky, she noticed, as she lay with her back on the wooden float. An excess of stars; overstock. Like the first round of a beauty pageant: crowded, eager, and gorgeous. Her legs felt rubbery; she was glad to have arrived. She wasn’t looking forward to the return swim, but they had time yet.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she said to Ruth.

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you do it alone! Not only because I was totally with the boys that you would chicken out.”

“I don’t mean right now,” Mickey said, stretching. “I mean in general, this summer. I’m so happy you came; that you’re here with me.”

Ruth squeezed her arm.

“I mean it. I’ve never had a best friend before. Not like you. But nobody is like you, are they?” Mickey tilted her head up at the sky, grinning. “Nobody in the whole world.”

Mickey could hear the sound of the water under the float, echoing in the chamber of air caught beneath the boards. The pine trees waited on the shore, the summer breeze moving the needles in a thousand small greetings. The air hung heavy with sap and woodsmoke. It was all exactly as she knew it to be, and yet she felt like it was all happening for the very first time.

“Why are you friends with me?”