Gavin was the person who saved her from the equally blissful and dangerous ignorance of the Forgetting Years, as Lily had come to think of the seventeen years between the trial and the minute she first touched his hand. Now, when she looked back, it scared her how much her mind could lie. Even to her. How, for seventeen years, it lulled her into a false sense of security, regardless of what stood right in front of her.

Does it count as staying if leaving is always on the mind? How much lying does a marriage need to survive?

She was tired of thinking about it.

Lily heard her daughter’s laughter down the old oak stairs, followed by the tinkle of silverware, and she found that it hurt. Sometimes, especially here in this house, she couldn’t help that some part of her wanted those Forgetting Years back. But there was one thing Lily was never able to forget during the Forgetting Years, even though she never said it out loud. One thing she never let herself think about even as she couldn’t forget it, leaving it trapped between thought and unthought inside of her, as gnarled and solid as a peach pit.

She took that walk that night because when she woke up, Silas wasn’t next to her.

MICKEY

“STOP CLUMPING THEM LIKE that,” Ruth said, knocking Sean’s hand back. She spaced out the mismatched jars one at a time until they formed a circle around the blanket. Then she lit the candles within the jars, handing Sean the ones with flattened wicks so he could fish them out with his pocketknife.

“Sit down.” She squinted at the distance between them. “Closer together.” She pushed Sean, and, to Mickey’s surprise, he went. If she pushed her brother like that, he would sit on her chest until she said he was king of the world and she his lifelong peasant.

“Okay, let’s create a safe space. Everyone, hold hands.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, her eyes closed. Mickey stole a glance at Sean, who was watching Ruth’s chest. But it didn’t look like he was watching her breasts, which moved in the darkness like ocean creatures surfacing. It looked like he was watching the bones of her chest, up near her neck. Like he was entranced simply by the way that she breathed.

“Sean, this won’t work if you don’t take it seriously,” Ruth said. Mickey heard her brother sigh, but he must’ve closed his eyes, too, because Ruth went on. With her eyes closed, the sounds of the woods made a solid wall around them, until Mickey felt zipped up in the night. She kicked one foot just an inch, just to know she could.

“Sarah, we are here to listen to you. We want to hear what happened to you all those years ago. Please, Sarah. Join us.”