I heard her hopping down the passageway behind me, no doubt trying to scrape her feet clean on the rocks as she struggled to catch up with me.

“Are you engaging in carnal activities in the Human Realm?” she accused.

My shoulders stiffened, but I managed to maintain my brisk pace in the direction of the morning room. “Do you think I would be polishing my own horn if I was?” I countered.

Hellen huffed. “If you thought less with your ‘horn’ and more with your brain, the demons wouldn’t be still muttering about mutiny.”

I rounded on her, tail flicking with annoyance. “Oh, yes, it’s all my fault that there isn’t enough misery to go around, isn’t it? Nothing to do with the fact that Father hasn’t bothered to get off his throne and reap a single soul in decades. Absolutely not related to … Her … changing the rules to allow a good eighty per cent of our usual intake to get in upstairs instead!”

My ire grew as I spoke, and I surged faster down the corridor.

“Well, you are heir to the throne, Junior!” Hellen reminded me shrilly, finally catching up with me. “It’s literally your job to fix this!”

“Oh fuck off!” I snapped, rounding on her. “What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do?”

Hellen’s face turned purple. “You think you’re so clever, with your little schemes and your ‘trial runs’, and your ‘I need another thousand years of diddling about in the Human Realm before my plans are ready’. Our kingdom is suffering now, Junior, and if we don’t do something about it fast, there won’t be a kingdom for you to rule over, you selfish little shit!”

“And what are you doing to help?” I hissed. “Besides crying to Daddy and trying to undermine me and my plans at every turn? Don’t think I don’t know how far up your arse Jezebel is. What a waste of your time, sending her to try and fuck information out of me.”

“Bad morning, my vile offspring!”

We turned in unison. Father strode towards us, a broad smile on his face. “I’m looking forward to hearing of your progress over breakfast, Junior.”

Before I could school my expression into something not resembling hatred for my sister, he’d swept past us into the morning room, where a large roasted mammal was laid out on a round table, ready for us to devour.

Bile rose in my throat. I could not stomach spiced goat seared in Hellfire this morning. What I really wanted was another box of those ringed donut treats.

And to see Jemma Bliss lick her lips as she watched me eat them.

No! I could not live through another Inconvenient Erection! Not when Father was expecting an update from me.