“Where the hell is here?” she shrieked. Two spots of colour appeared high on her cheekbones. She chewed frantically on her bottom lip before uncrossing her arms and pinching her shirt, shaking it away from her body. “And why the hell is it so hot in here?”

Beezle and Bub burst into yipping snorts of mirth at her words. Her eyes darted to them, eyebrows shooting up over the tops of her glasses.

“And what the hell are they?”

I shrugged. “They’re Hellhounds. Because this is Hell.”

Her eyes flashed back to mine, her jaw falling open. She froze like that for a long moment before closing her mouth with a snap and turning to pace the floor.

“No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, her glasses slipping up onto her forehead. “No, I’m dreaming. I’m having some bizarre wine-induced hallucination.”

She lifted her head, eyes finding mine. I smirked at her, finally taking one hand out of my pocket to wave condescendingly in her direction.

This was fun.

“He’s still here. Shit.” She resumed her pacing. “I drank too much after having a shitty day yesterday, and my brain has concocted some weird fantasy with donut dude dragging me to Hell. This is just a dream, and I’ll wake up, with a godawful hangover, in the living room in three … two … one …”

She pinched her arm. Hard.

“Ow!” she hissed, rubbing at the spot. I stepped away from the wall, closer to her, my stomach knotting up.

“Don’t you dare come any closer!” she snarled, backing away. “Holy shit, it’s hot in here!”

I forced myself to stay where I was. “That’s the lava lake. It runs under the palace. It is similar to your … central heating.”

She rolled her eyes, but her shoulders shook with rapidly panting breaths. “It’s not a dream …”

I shook my head, that knot in my gut tightening.

“Why did you bring me here … are you, like, the Devil? Oh God, you’re Satan, aren’t you?” she squawked.

“Satan Junior,” I corrected. “Crown Prince of Hell.”

A horrified laugh barked out of her. “This is … crazy! This can’t be real. God doesn’t exist … Heaven and Hell don’t exist …”

“It’s very, very real,” I assured her, sauntering closer again. “And all of those things you just mentioned do, in fact, exist.”

She backed away until she tripped on one of the portal cushions and fell on her backside into the pile. Beezle and Bub cackled. She glared at them, her fingers clawing into the pillows.

“The donuts …” she mumbled.

I nodded, smirking down at her. “Yes, you’re getting warmer.”

Suddenly she was searching frantically through the pillows.

“There was a … a card. It said …” She snatched something from a crevice between two cushions, brandishing it at me triumphantly.