Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
Jemma smoothed out her tablecloth as the final visitors filed from the exhibition hall. Her table was bare, but she had more stock to put out ready for the second day of Ferretcon.
“The only thing that could make today better would be if Mum and Dad could be here to celebrate with us.” She looked up at me, her eyes glimmering, but her smile a thousand watts bright. I picked up another donut and pressed it to her lips. She took a giant bite.
“I know it’s a poor substitute for having them here, and living, but maybe in a few weeks, once the soul transfer is complete, and Heaven is nice and settled once more, we could go and visit them? Introduce me as their almost son-in-law? I checked on them yesterday—your mum says your dad is doing so much better, and he’s really close to being ready to see you … if you want to, that is.”
Jemma’s eyes filled. “Really? I mean, of course I want to, but … he’s doing that much better?”
I smiled softly down at her. “Turns out Heaven is a very soothing place to be. And he’s been making great progress with that soul Pete put him in touch with—the one who was a therapist in their human life.” I took a bite of my own donut. “I’m so pleased that Pete agreed to take over managing Heaven.”
“Oh, us too!” Ezra remarked dryly as he and Humphrey approached, wearing volunteer lanyards that Esther had procured for them. “Before that was all settled, she was utterly insufferable, complaining about how hard a long-distance relationship would be if you had to reside full-time in Heaven.”
“Yeah, us too!” Bub added, popping his spotty, ferret nose out from the hammock. “I would’ve rioted if you told me I’d have to be away from my Lulu, Boss!”
“So, when’s the wedding?” Humphrey asked, setting down a cask of wine and some plastic cups on the table.
“Next week, if I had my way,” I muttered, squeezing her thigh under the table. “But I owe Jemma an engagement ring first.”
“You owe me nothing,” she replied, snatching my donut and finishing the last mouthful. “You’ve given me so much already, SJ.”
“Let me spoil my fiancée.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her against me, savouring the strawberry scent of her hair. It felt so good to call her that! Although, I was sure it would pale in comparison to calling her my wife.
Ezra snorted. “Pretty sure you already spoiled her absolutely rotten in that bathroom earlier.”
Jemma flushed the most delicious shade of pink.
“Can you please refrain from reminding me about that?” Joe moaned, approaching with a bag of takeout and dumping it on the table. I dragged another chair over with my foot, and he plonked himself into it with a heavy sigh.