Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
Hellen snorted. “Oh, don’t panic, Junior. Your little human is safe … for now. Because when Father came to, he was all in a fluster, and he insisted that there was something very important I needed to know … about you, if you can believe it.”
Her eyes narrowed, flicking to God and then back to me. “Is this her, then? Your mother? The being who conned the King of Hell into spawning you to rob a true Lucifer of the crown? A cuckoo in the nest, as it were. How delightful that you wanted a family reunion!”
Father’s frantic, muffled moans echoed across the space. God was completely mute, although whether due to her shock at the situation or the power still running through my fingers, I wasn’t sure.
“Do you think the demons will accept you once they discover who your mother is?” Hellen hissed, shoving Father to the side with one heel and standing. Looming, or attempting to, from the throne.
This had better work.
“I do not wish for them to accept me.”
Hellen scoffed. “How do you expect to rule Hell without their acceptance?” she demanded. “Father cannot give his blessing—he’s in disgrace for his part in allowing all of this!” Her tail lashed, whipping Father across the flank. He flinched but made no sound.
“I do not wish to rule Hell.”
Hellen guffawed. “Of course you don’t! You never wanted responsibility for anything! I, on the other hand, have worked tirelessly all my life for the betterment of Hell, and yet they will not accept me based solely on my lack of horns!”
She spat viciously, and a breeze stirred behind me.
Stay calm, SJ. Just stay calm …
“Perhaps if I killed you all …” Hellen mused, gripping one of Father’s horns and tugging his head back, exposing his throat. “They would have no choice but to accept me.”
Father whimpered, his eyes meeting mine, pleading. I looked away, not able to meet his eyes, knowing what I was about to do.
He more than deserved it, but it still churned my stomach.
“What if there were a better way … to get the demons to accept you as the Queen of Hell?” My words were quiet, but the weight of them echoed in the cavernous space.
“Simeon,” God breathed, and I realised that whatever had been keeping her silent, that magic had faded from my fingers.
Hellen’s eyes flashed. “She even has a special name for you? Disgusting!” The wind buffeted my back, but I locked my muscles, standing firm against it.
I must get through this. Jemma is waiting for me, and I cannot return to her until I’ve made her life safe again.
“She is here as my prisoner. I have taken control of Heaven.”