“I don’t know about this, Boss,” Beezle hissed. “Are you rushing into things? Maybe you should go talk to Daddy about it first. Get his side of the story?”

“Yeah,” Bub added. “This bird might be pulling a fast one on you.”

“I am out of time, and out of options,” I whispered. “Jemma is in danger, Hellen will be on a rampage, and I need to get out of here.”

“We get it, Boss,” Bub mumbled. “Just …”

“Has the B Team quite finished their little brainstorming session?” God interrupted archly. I scowled at Her.

“I do not want this,” I muttered to the Hounds. “But what choice do I have?”

“There’s always a choice,” Beezle reminded me wisely. “Remember when you told Jemma Bliss to read a contract before she agreed to anything?”

I nodded.

“Well, just … take your own advice, Boss.”

“Noted.” I marched forward and snatched the pen from God’s hand. “Where do I sign?”

Her grin turned to a leer as She pointed to the end of the scroll. I leaned closer, the pen almost touching the paper. But the Hounds were right. I shouldn’t blindly sign anything, not when I mistrusted Her so much. I set the pen down and lifted the scroll, scanning the flowery cursive.

“You expect to maintain figurehead status over Heaven?” I asked, frowning at Her. “Elaborate.”

God giggled. “Oh, that’s just for formal occasions, you know … parades, jubilees, feasts. You’ll be in charge of all the decisions, but I’ll be the … the face, I suppose. Think of it the way some human cultures have their little royal families. I get trotted out for the show of it, nothing more. You know, to show that you have my utmost support and all that nonsense.”

She tittered again, but there was something nervous about it. “Do you really think you need to read the whole thing? It’s so long and boring.”

“Oh, I absolutely need to read it,” I replied. Even more now that She seemed worried about me doing so.

I stifled a sigh as my eyes flew over the words. It was indeed long and boring, and most of it was fairly self-explanatory. Maintaining the balance of souls entering each realm. Providing fair judgements. Managing the needs of both angels and demons alike. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

But then, tucked somewhere in the middle, no doubt because She thought that was the best place to hide it, was the catch. My eyes widened, then narrowed.

The ruler agrees to remain permanently in Purgatory, where all souls will henceforth be funnelled to receive their eternal judgement …

I straightened, placing the scroll down on Her desk, right next to the pen that I would absolutely not ever be using on this farce of a contract. A contract to ensure I became nothing more than a slave, working tirelessly to maintain their all-important balance so they didn’t have to.