Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
“At least one, maybe two more trips, before I can action my plan. And then there will likely be a number more, as I … work with the live soul …”
Father nodded, a grin forming on his mouth, showing his white, sharp teeth.
“I look forward to your report once your trial is concluded, Junior.” He lounged back onto his throne, kicking his feet over the armrest.
I chanced a glance at my sister. Hellen’s face was working towards that purplish shade again, her cheeks puffing out.
I winced, knowing exactly what was coming.
“You’ve given him a mission?” she exploded. Her wind whipped around us, sending a tornado of toenail clippings, some still moist with imp spittle, whirling around us.
“Enough, Hellen!” he snapped. The wind dissipated as suddenly as it had blown up. The toenails dropped. Into my hair. I picked them out, glaring daggers at my sister, who, oddly enough, did not appear to have enjoyed sprinkling me with the jagged, mouldering remnants.
“Of course I gave him a mission!” Father hissed. “He will be the next King of Hell. It’s high time he began to build a legacy of his own. And given the uncertainty of the future, he needs to be able to come up with creative schemes, just like this one, that will facilitate growth and a thriving kingdom.”
I pressed my lips tightly together. A thriving kingdom? I wasn’t the ruler of Hell—he was—and yet he had placed the future of the realm solely on my shoulders. While letting it go to ruin over the last two decades.
Meanwhile, Hellen was practically vibrating beside Father, who was either oblivious to her feelings … or he simply didn’t care.
“That … that IDIOT is going to be King, and where does that leave ME?” Hellen demanded, eyes flashing, arms flailing, claws gouging the powdery skulls of Father’s throne. “I’m older, wiser, and eviler than he will EVER be! Give ME a mission, Father! Let ME prove to you that my legacy is one you will be proud of. Let ME fight for the Throne of Hell! It would thrive under my reign! It will fester under his!”
Father pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated, exhausted sigh. A pang of fear stabbed at my gut. Perhaps his ‘official’ retirement would be sooner rather than later.
I was not ready for that. Not in the slightest.
“The demons will not submit to a female, Hellen. We have been over this time and time again. They will not accept you.”
I cricked my neck to mask my surprise. Had Father actually put serious thought into Hellen for the Throne? Over me?
My chest did that stuttering thing once more, as Hellen, to everyone’s utter mortification, burst into noisy sobs.
“I could change their minds! The minions would feast on the misery of humans under my rule,” she wailed.