Finally! Not only do I get some time on my own, I also get some time on my own in a proper hotel. The St Edmunds might look like Victoria Terminus from the outside. But it is quite classy inside. Fantastic rooms, good breakfast buffet and they even arranged a laptop for me when I told them I felt too stuffy in the business centre. (Too many tourists.)

Though frankly I think it is more a four-star place than a proper five-star. Too many mainstream brands in the mini-bar and the gift shop. Ritter Sport? Really?

Anyway.

So where do I begin.

Ah yes. First of all Sugandh.

As soon as I saw him in the lobby of the business centre day before yesterday night I ran towards him screaming like a CITU union worker on strike. I picked up whatever I could from the reception desk and swung at him with full force. It caught him perfectly on the left side of his face. Unfortunately I had grabbed one of the oranges from the complimentary bowl on the counter and it exploded on impact.

Sugandh was shocked. I dragged him up to my room and asked him how he could do this to me after all the assistance I gave him. I made his biodata, I motivated him, I gave a recommendation for him … and all the while he was leaking information on me? This time I picked up a proper flower vase and was going to remove that ugly burden of a nose from his face when Sugandh began screaming something: RAHUL GUPTA RAHUL GUPTA RAHUL GUPTA RAHUL GUPTA!

BASTARD! MAKING FUN OF ME!!!

I put down the flower vase, went into the bathroom, walked to the toilet and picked up the lid on top of the cistern. This was perhaps the heaviest movable item in the room. Then I went back into the bedroom.

Sugandh fell at my feet and began pleading for forgiveness. He told me to listen to him one minute before getting violent. Suddenly that soft corner in my mind began talking to me. Ok ok ok, I said. One minute. After that cistern lid across the face.

Sugandh sat up, wiped the juice from his face and began talking. The day they came to pick up Tom, they also took Sugandh with them. And began asking all kinds of questions about Tom and his financial dealings. Thankfully Sugandh did not know anything whatsoever. They looked in his computer and in his BlackBerry and found nothing. Soon they realized that Sugandh was an idiot who was hired to cover up some random fraud. They asked him how he got his job. Fucker told them I helped him. They asked him why I helped him. And he told them the whole story about how I was downloading Raveena Tandon on the WiFi and how I offered to help him to keep it quiet.