Why is Sugandh reverting? Bastard.

Sugandh should definitely be one of the Lederman acts at Summersault. And I don’t have to write anything for him. He can go on stage. Everyone can laugh. And then he can walk off again.

Fucker.

2 July 2007

2.34 a.m.

Just got a call from TOM!!!!

Wants to meet me at the Costa outside office before work.

Something is wrong.

Can’t sleep.

Bad bad feeling.

8.15 a.m.

CRISIS!

BUT I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!

Tom has asked me to immediately cancel all further LLTLF shows. He is going to transfer another 2 million pounds into the account tomorrow. But will immediately transfer it to the SPV on Isle of Man. And then back into his account.

I asked him why he is in such a hurry and if there was some problem somewhere. He didn’t say anything for a while. And then told me that we had very little time and had to act very quickly. I told him I would do the needful right away. Very little time for what? I asked him.

He refused to answer and told me it was better if I did not know. I was getting very very upset. I asked him if someone had come to know of our arrangement. If so everyone was in danger, and I had a right to know! He didn’t say anything and got up and left.

Now I lost it. I ran after him, held him by his hand and told him that if he didn’t want to tell me what was bothering him … fine. Don’t tell me. But at least tell me if he liked my idea for Summersault 2007. He said it was excellent and ran away.

I am left with mixed feelings. Why is Tom so edgy? Where is Dominic? What the fuck is going on?

On the other hand Summersault has been approved in principal. As soon as I reached office I sent an email to everybody, without cc’ing Tom. I told them Tom loved the idea but had asked me to go slow on new programmes for the time being. I promised to update everyone, but asked them to start working on 7–10 minutes long routines.

FUCK. This all-round tension is driving me mad.

No new Raveena on my phone. But I think I have some copies of Jenny’s pictures. Will calm me down a little.

5 July 2007

7.23 p.m.

CANNOT … BREATHE … ROOM SPINNING … CANNOT … OH MY GOD … OH MY GOD … FULLY FUCKED … EVERYTHING IS GONE …

Wait one second … let me …

8.11 p.m.

Still not able to breathe fully. But I have to write this down today itself.

Dominic called me into the conference this morning. No one else was there. He asked me to close the door.

And then he asked me who I was working for. For a minute I was confused. This is not even appraisal time. Why is he asking me HR type vague questions?