But for all practical purposes my career is finished. Even if Tom does not go into details, people are going to put two and two together. Only one person in the world besides Tom was involved in both the Dufresne and LLTLF deals: Robin Einstein Varghese. If someone realizes this, then I am finished. The SEC and FSA hopefully will honour their immunity deal. But even within Dufresne this is bad news for me.

Frankly speaking I think I have more enemies than friends in the company. People are jealous of me, my promotion to associate, my business guru reputation and of course the secondment to London. Especially in India, people are so jealous of colleagues who get to go abroad! Global village it seems. Fuckers are all global villagers. If they get a chance they will try to somehow eliminate me. Maybe me and Dominic. These corporates will always try to save their skin first.

Chutiyas.

If I can last till the end of the week I might still be able to escape to India. Otherwise … who knows …

Everything is finished Diary. Everything. Once again I decide to do something for the betterment of a client. I work selflessly. Make all the compromises. Give up on my personal morals and ethical standards. Work long days and nights. Learn things I did not have to—investments, Bloomberg Terminal, US housing market … And live in London on a budget that would make homeless people start an NGO to take care of me.

All for what? What do I get in return?

Financial insecurity. Worthless investments. Ingratitude. A huge black spot on my resume. And potentially a criminal case depending on what Tom Pastrami is going to vomit in front of the SEC. And given how Dufresne is full of bastards, I am fully expecting all of them to form a line and then one by one stab me in my back. Rahul Gupta will be first in line, no doubt. And then Yetch and Rajni and Jenson and … so many fuckers.

Can’t sleep. And not in the mood for Raveena.

5.13 p.m.

This Ameesha Patel is not bad …

17 July 2007

7.02 p.m.

Spent the entire day sitting in office preparing for the worst. Maybe a call from the police. Maybe a call from the investigators. Maybe an email from the board of directors.

But nothing happened.

Dominic has already asked us to make travel plans to go back home.

Sent Valentina an email asking her to send fare details for the Mumbai–London sector for next week.

For a change she immediately sent me a response. In the attachment, she said, I would find information.

The attachment was a word document with a list of travel websites and addresses.

I don’t have any anger left in me.

Booked Turkish Airlines to Bombay on the 23rd.

Sent Gouri an email asking her to show some support instead of insinuating. She send SMS: