I ran on stage enthusiastically. And then for a brief second my mind was stuck between saying the act was top-class and top-notch. And I ended up saying, ‘Dara was simply class-notch tonight …’ Thankfully no one was listening except the journalist who smiled. Then I introduced myself as Robin Varghese, a consultant with Lederman and the guy who manages all of the foundation’s money. And then I added for fun: ‘… not that there is a lot of money left after I’m done with it!’ Of all the people in the hall only one person laughed: Kurt Menander.

Then I read out my line but, instead of saying ‘thousands of underprivileged children struggle’ I said by mistake ‘thousands of underdeveloped children struggle’. There was a murmur in the crowd. Jenny looked furious. Tom was drinking at the bar; it did not look like he was giving a fuck.

On the spot I decided that the only way to distract people from that mistake was to crack a joke. Thinking on my feet I looked around for inspiration, saw Jenny, and instantly got an idea. I asked people what was the difference between Jennifer Huang and the peanut butter I had in my sandwich that morning. And then punchline:

‘One is chunky! And the other is chinky!’

Tremendous laughter burst out from the crowd. But only from Kurt Menander. Two three people started booing. So I quickly shouted ‘Please welcome … Rich Hall!’ and walked off. By now the room had begun to spin around my head out of embarrassment. Somehow I stumbled off the stage and then rushed to the restroom before anyone would talk to me. I rushed into a stall, closed the door behind me, sat down and exhaled deeply.

Sometimes the only place where you get a little peace of mind is in the toilet. Inside those four walls there is no one except you and your thoughts. No one judges you in the toilet. No one is pointing fingers at you. No one is laughing at you. I tried going to the loo quickly. It was unsuccessful. Then outside I met the journalist who wanted to know how much funding LLTLF had and how serious the bank was about it. I was quite pissed off and upset even then. So I told him that the foundation had millions in the account and that I had no idea how they were going to spend it all. A moment later Jennifer came bursting through the door exposing too much leg in the hurry. For a moment I thought she had come to see me privately for some reason …

Then she walked over … RIPPED THE FUCK-ALL MICROPHONE FROM MY JACKET AND WALKED OFF WITHOUT SAYING A WORD …

The journalist quietly left after her.