Alaska. Just gonna take this highway as far as it goes, then find a road and take it as far as it goes, then find a path and walk it until there’s no more path, until I’m completely surrounded by woods. And then I’m gonna step right into the wilderness. Just live on berries and shit. Not bother anybody. Not hurt anything.

Something I have to do, man. Because I’m a first-class passenger on the spaceship Earth. I’ve got a one-way ticket so I have to make the ride count, you know? And as far as I figure it, you can either take the service road or the scenic route. And, man, if I only have one ride, I want it to be beautiful.

And if nobody ever hears from me again, you know, it’ll be OK. If nobody knows where I am, I won’t mind, because I’ll know where I am, and that’s the most important thing.

(Jumps back as three cars pass in succession, followed by an enormous truck. He watches in stunned dismay as it passes, roaring into the night.

Fade to black.)

ORPHANS

When I put a solo together, I assemble it like a jigsaw puzzle. Some monologues don’t fit, but I like them too much to throw them away. I call them “Orphans.” Sometimes they’ve been performed only one or two times, sometimes never. Sometimes they contain lines or ideas that become part of other monologues.

REACH OUT

Guy briskly takes a seat for an interview. He takes a sip from a cup of coffee every now and then.

Hey, hey! Hi! Nice to be meet you, thanks, man. Yeah, sure, a lot going on. The festival. The awards. Then, you know, number one at the box office. It’s cool. Sure. Sure. Wow. Very exciting, you know. I feel like a big deal.

Well, we fought hard to get this movie made, because it was something we believe in. The corporate suits at the big studios basically said this was a movie that could never be made and, you know, nobody wanted to see a movie like this and, we, uh, proved them wrong so, uh, you know, it’s nice to have them kissing our ass now, so to speak. Hah. Hah. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

And I don’t want to take all the credit. Without Harry Horntoad at Seminal Films believing in us, it never would have been made. He believed in the cause, and he believed we could really reach a lot of people. And we did. You know, like they say, if a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it fall, does it make a sound?