But you know what I say to those kids? (Flips him the bird) Fuck you! Because that’s not what’s important for people like us, Eric. Artists like you and me. Our work, our humanitarian message is what’s important. The positive message we have to send, that’s what it’s all about. The humanitarian message of love.

SHEEP

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m so smart.

(Interrupts himself, picks up chair and almost hurls it, sets it down again and begins pacing the stage.)

In my black jeans and my righteous anger, ranting on and on about hypocrisy, pissing people off just enough to sell a few tickets. Always looking over my shoulder, making sure I don’t lose my place in the big line. Desperately trying to preserve my modicum of success so that I can hold my head high in this giant pecking order of art and commerce and first-class plane tickets.

I’m a bullshit-slinger. That’s all I am. One more bullshit-slinger from a long tradition of bullshit-slingers. A hypocrite. What do I do that’s so courageous or selfless that gives me the right to say shit about shit?

And you, you come in here and get all fluffed up and expectant like a bunch of baby birds with your beaks wide open, waiting to be fed. But I’ve got bad news for you. I’m all out of worms today. Sorry! I’m empty. I’m a vacuum. I’m a black hole.

I’m just a mirror. I’m up here thinking about what you’re thinking about what I’m thinking. Even right now, while I’m saying all this I’m hoping, They’ll think this is really pushing it! (Audience member) “My God! Now he’s gone too far!” But I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m still here. And so are you. We’re all here. We haven’t moved an inch.

I’m just some skinny guy with curly hair and black jeans. My distinguishing characteristic is the brand of bottled water I drink. Which HBO TV show I prefer.

The big choices in my life are between the Star Wars prequel or the Austin Powers sequel. The Big Mac or the Grilled Chicken. (Scratches his chin, pondering) “Tall” or “grandé.” Yeah, those are the big decisions in my life.

I’m not fighting the system, I’m part of the system. I toe the line. And I do it for a very good reason: I’m a sheep. I am a gutless sheep.