One hit on the hash pipe. Toss some coke on her tits, lick it up. And then you slide it in nice and slow. You stick her toes in your ears, she sticks her thumb up your asshole. You grab her ass, she grabs your butt. She’s screaming, you’re barking … (Thrusting and shouting) “OH, OH, OH, OH, OH!” BOOOOOOM—and you come so hard you feel like you’re gonna be brain-damaged for the rest of your life, and you fall back onto the bed, but just before your head hits the pillow you grab that bottle of tequila, take one last hit as your brain does a slow dive into a deep black hole of complete and utter satisfaction.

(Normal voice:)

Yeah, I can talk the talk, but I can’t walk the walk.

I’m weak and I’m scared. So I get in line. Like a sheep. Like a cow. So I stand in line like everybody else. Patiently waiting my turn to get to the head of the line so I can get conked on the head, a chain wrapped around my legs, get pulled upside-down to have my throat slit. My blood drained and ground into hamburger. That’s the kind of rebel I am. Just show me the line and I’ll get in it. I need the line. The line is my friend.

And when the bad guys in the steel-tipped boots do show up and kick down my door in the middle of the night, I won’t be a hero. No. I’ll say, “I’ve completely re-thought the revolution.” (Runs and hides behind the chair) And I’ll cower under my bed. I’ll say, “I don’t want to bother anybody, in fact I don’t have any opinion about anything actually. I was just pretending to be a rebel. I’m just a little dog, see?” (Barks a short, timid bark, gets up and starts running in large circles) Like a little dog. Like a little dog. I just want to be safe. I just want to hang out with all the other little dogs and run around and chase cars and sniff other doggies’ butts and piss on trees. Just give me a bowl of water and pat my head and tell me I wrote a nice screenplay and I’ll wag my tail and go sleep on the couch and not bother anybody.

(Curls up on chair.)

I just want to be one of the pack, an ingredient, a component, a cog on the wheel. That’s what I am, a cog! A cog dog. (Stands on the chair) Cog dog, cog dog, cog dog, cog.

(Barks three long howls.)

THE HIGHWAY

Effects of cars passing. Lights up reveal man standing with his thumb out, hitching. Stoner voice: