The paradox of life is … paradoxical. In order to breathe in, we must first breathe out. In order to grasp, we must first let go. In order for the sun to rise, it must first set. In order to take what I have to give you, you must first give me two thousand dollars in four easy installments.

Life surrounds us with an endless bounty. An overflowing cornucopia of goods and services. They are all there for our taking. We only have to pay for them. Thank you.

(Puts hands together in prayer and bows silently.)

BREAKTHROUGH

Grabs the upstage chair and moves it downstage slightly. Speaks in a thick workingman’s accent. As he sits:

I had a pretty good week this week. Constructive. Constructive. I’ve been thinking about what you were saying last week about, you know, putting things on the shelf and how I’ve got to learn how to love myself today, because if I don’t, who will? Like you say, “I’m not a human being trying to be spiritual, I’m a spiritual being trying to be human.”

I saw my ex.

Picking up the kids.

Total pain in the ass. As usual. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You know she still blames me for the breakup. It was all my fault everything got fucked-up. Hey, if she had kept a better eye on things and not let me stay out every night till four in the morning but no, that had nothing to do with her. When I was there getting arrested and wrecking the car, did she ever think, Maybe this is a cry for help? You know, I’d be in the kitchen, seven A.M., puking my brains out, and she’d be getting the kids ready for school and she’d act like I wasn’t even there. Completely ignore me. Did she ever stop to think, Poor guy. Why is he doing this to himself? How can I help him? No, she’s a completely self-obsessed human being, out of touch with her feelings. I had to live with that all those years.

Well, I took the boys to the ball game. Oh yeah, it was fun. They’re so great. Acting up, throwin’ Cracker Jacks at each other. Yelling, screaming. And I’m like, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Quiet the fuck DOWN! RIGHT NOW!” I’m so good with those guys, you know? Oh! Oh! And this busybody behind me is like, “Stop yelling at your kids, I’m trying to hear the game.” And I’m dealing with boundary issues today, like we’ve been working on, so I’m like, “Are these your kids? Or are these my kids?” Right? “You don’t hear me telling you to put a bag on your wife’s head ’cause she’s so fuckin’ ugly.”