The next movie? Well, talking with the executives at the studio, we felt that it would be good for me to sort of explore another subject the way we did the homeless. I mean, Gary was so great as Chuck, the homeless guy in my movie, we wanted to do something else with Gary. And so what he’s doing in my next picture is he will be playing a retarded drug addict. I should say a “mentally handicapped” drug addict. Because I think, you know, uh, drugs are terrible. And I think, it’s also pretty terrible to be, you know, retarded. And Gary’s such a great actor. The next De Niro. He’s been hanging out with retarded people, talking to them and stuff. You should have seen him on the show. He’s so fucking funny—oops!

Oh, OK. Yeah. Well, thank you. You really liked it? You did? Well, thanks. Thanks, man. It means a lot to me. It means a lot to me because I know you really care, and I care, and I care that you care.

Thank you. I hope so. Well come on up to the new place next weekend and I’ll give you a ride in one of my Porsches. Thanks. Thanks a lot, g’night.

NO CRIME

Walking around an empty chair, extra large Starbucks coffee cup in his hand. Excited, talks to the chair in a hip-hop voice:

Yo dude, check it out. Guy getting handcuffed on TV. Dig it. I love this show, man—watch, watch they’re going to search his vehicle, man! Looking for the ganja. Yeah, yeah, they found it. Oh, oh, time to go to jail, my friend. Uh-huh. You made a big fucking mistake, big fucking mistake, you got caught.

Like, I’m in the supermarket yesterday and they’ve got this new thing, they give you a little card. And this card has all your personal shit on it and then every time you use the card, a data bank collects all the information about you. Like, yo: “Drinks Diet Coke, buys lots of Advil, doesn’t eat meat.” Like an alarm goes off somewhere if you DEVIATE.

’Cause that’s the deal, man: they’re looking for the dangerous deviates. That’s why I made myself invisible, dude. They’re not going to find me. No license, no credit cards, no shit. They want everybody to have an identity card. They puttin’ those satellite locator chips in the cell phones. Oh yeah, that would make things easy when they start arresting everybody.

No crime. Gonna live in a no-crime world. Like the chickens they keep in those little cages with the food tray rolling by them. Happy fucking chickens. Cluck-cluck-cluck! Awwwkkkk!