Jaz was sedated, so it would have been useless for me to tell her how I really felt. I needed her to be 100% attentive when I spoke my mind. So, I got comfortable and decided I would wait this out. I sat in the chair for the next three hours as Jaz slept peacefully. I got to thinking about how instant and unexpected your life can do a total 180. Just ninety days ago I was a stay at home soccer dad living in a Georgia suburb. Now, because of my love for the streets, I signed a deal with the devil. I couldn’t even blame it on Kay and Trae needing my help. I could have turned it down. But I didn’t, and I felt no regrets. It wasn’t like I was doing it for the money. But that helped of course. I was really married to the rush of the streets. And the risk. I knew the risk. I was throwing the dice, betting on my life, my freedom, and more importantly, I was gambling with the lives of my wife and daughter.

“Why are you frowning? What were you just thinking about?”

I looked up at Jaz, who was trying to sit up in bed. “How are you feeling?” I asked. She looked weary, even though she fell asleep almost four hours ago.

“I’m okay, I guess. I’m groggy and my heart is heavy. Why were you frowning?”

“Why, Jaz? And without discussing this with me.”

“Faheem, I thought I was doing what was best for us.”

“Without us discussing it? Then what if I said, what I’m doing is what’s best for us as well?”

“That’s not fair, Faheem. These are two totally different situations.”

“The fuck they are. Why would you choose this time to get on the pill?”

Before we could get into it any deeper, we were interrupted. “I’m nurse Eva Choi. What’s your last name?” she asked Jaz as she confirmed it against her wristband and chart.

I got up to take a walk before I said or did something I would regret. I was already into enough shit.

All night I remained at the hospital, but I didn’t go back to her room. The next morning, Jaz was blowing up my phone. She was discharged and I was right there in the hospital but didn’t let her know it. I followed them home. And when the gates closed, I kept on going, heading back to Jersey.

MARI

After I took Dr. Gillis to lunch on Sag Harbor we went to the Hampton Bays Hospital. I talked her into using her authority to see what she could find out about Tasha Macklin since there was an active Amber Alert.

“Are you sure you’re okay with doing this?” I asked, looking Dr. Gillis in the eyes.

She nodded adamantly. “Yes, I can do this.”