Lily nodded and put her hand back for his, and when it stayed empty, she wrapped it around herself.

—

THE MOON HUNG HEAVY as an udder that night. The sky seemed to strain just to keep it above the horizon. It lit more of the lake than usual, the water pitch black right up to the surface, where it exploded into glitter. When she squinted, she could see the hazy outline of the float, but she decided not to tell Gavin. He didn’t need to see where Sarah went under exactly; it was all the same lake.

Lily stood aside and let him walk to the edge of the dock, his arms by his sides despite the chill.

“You know, she told me about that party.”

Lily shook her head.

“She tried to act like she didn’t care that she had been invited, but it was obvious she was excited. She dyed her hair the night before, and I guess fucked it up somehow—I don’t know. I couldn’t tell the difference. I just know she cried on my mom’s bed for an hour, and then they spent the rest of the night trying to wash it out.”

Before Lily could think, she let out a little chuckle. “Yeah,” she said. “I remember.”

She meant it in the nostalgic way, the we-were-all-knuckleheaded-kids-back-then kind of way. It was different from the way she had meant it when she had made fun of Sarah that day seventeen years ago. Then, she meant it to hurt. But now, she was remembering the time she gave herself bangs and begged her mom to start homeschooling her. She wondered what would’ve happened back then if she had told that story to Sarah instead.

“You were kind of a bitch in high school, weren’t you?”

Lily took the words like a slap. It wasn’t the first time she had been called a bitch, and on this side of life, she would be the first to admit it about her teenage self. But she had never heard a word like that from him. And certainly not about her.

“We were kids.”

“Sure. But only you got to grow up.”

“I know,” she said, and swallowed. “If I could go back, I would do things very differently.”

She reached out for Gavin’s arm, eager to feel him. The moon played with the features of his face until she didn’t like what she saw.

“What was the last thing you said to her?”

“I don’t—I can’t really remember.”

“Try.”

Gavin was still looking out over the water, but Lily could see none of his features now. She could see only the shape of him, outlined in moonlight.

“Gavin, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. But Silas will be back any minute now. Can we talk about this in the car?”