I know that it isn’t the most gallant version of friendship, tricking a coworker you hate into accompanying you to certain doom in order to spare another. At least not to the average above-ground person. But in my millennia of existence, I haven’t mattered to anyone. I don’t mean I had no memories of being someone’s favorite, of being the best thing that ever happened to another. I mean never in my life have I ever thought, even for a second, that my presence made a difference to anyone but me. Even the loneliest of the living take for granted the thousands of tiny moments when another person sees them and, in one way or another, adjusts their course. They may not feel loved, but they at least know what it is to be considered, however briefly, however logistically, by the people moving around them.

In short, all I have ever known—this version of me, at least—is Hell, and what Cal did for me was human.

And, as it would for a human, all the rage in me swelled and burst and rose again as something else.

“Cal, just hold on a second,” I said, following her down the hall, which had once presumably been the color of lemons but was now the color of neglected teeth. The whole place stank of that very transition: fruit to rot. I waved my hand, and the clock on the wall went silent.

“No,” Cal said, waving her own hand and setting life back on track.

I waved again.

“Just talk to me for a second, and I swear I will go.”

“Ugh, what the fuck, Pey?” she shouted, slamming her fist against a wall.

“Just think about this for a second,” I said. “Just think it through.”

“Think it through?” Cal spun around, her eyes landing like an airborne predator. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I just—”

“No. Shut up,” she said, holding her tablet flashlight up to the nameplate by each door. The frames were brass, but the names were typed on paper, ready to be exchanged. “Do you think I’ve made this decision on a whim, based on my cycle? I know what I’m taking on, Pey. That’s why I didn’t want you here. But here you are anyway.”

I nodded and opened my mouth, but she went on.