I have thought on my feet many times before in my life. But I have never thought on my feet with such terror and horror before. Gouri, as you know, has a Taliban style of getting angry. And once she gets angry she takes several weeks to get back to normal.

CANNOT TAKE THAT RISK!!!

Faced with this terror my brain immediately started processing a solution. I was not even doing it consciously.

I looked at Jenny and screamed with duplicate anger: ‘NO NO NO! I WILL NOT HAVE THIS BOTTLE OF WINE WITH YOU! THIS IS FOR GOURI AND ME … I HAVE NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN YOU! PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND EVERYWHERE AND COMING TO MY APARTMENT WHERE I LET YOU IN ONLY BECAUSE YOU WORK FOR MY CLIENT AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD SOME IMPORTANT WORK-RELATED MATTER TO DISCUSS! I ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! AND I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THIS FOR LAST FIVE TO SEVEN MINUTES BUT NOT MORE THAN THAT! PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!’

There was a look of utter horror on both their faces. Jenny opened her mouth to say something. But I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards the door. I said sternly that I did not want to hear one more word and that our relationship could never be anything but professional.

Gouri dropped the bag in her hand, screamed ‘HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY ROBIN!’ and swung the huge bouquet at Jenny. I jumped in between. The bouquet slammed into the back of my head and exploded into a cloud of greenery.

By this time Jenny’s face had turned into bright red colour and I could feel heat radiating from it. Before she could say anything I led her out of the door, closed it behind me and rushed her down the stairs. On the way I apologized profusely and told her that I had said all that in order to avoid a scene with Gouri. I promised to explain everything in office later and then bundled her into a taxi. Just before leaving I reminded her, in my smooth voice, that we still had to have that drink we were planning upstairs. Jenny said something as the taxi left. But I couldn’t hear it through the glass.

Handling Gouri after that was not too difficult. Apparently she decided to fly down for just one night by reimbursing her American Express points and wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday in person. The shock of throwing Jenny out of my apartment was fresh in my mind so I used that to act all excited about Gouri’s visit. Besides the bouquet, which was now scattered all over the room, she also brought me an Apple iPod and a set of Bose headphones.

I don’t think I have ever loved her as much as I did when I unwrapped those gifts.