I would take hold of Sugandh’s head by his hair and then smash it into and through the glass sheet on the table. Sugandh would then fall through the glass and lie there bleeding into his certificates. While waiting for him to die I could perhaps watch Mohra. Then after cleaning up everything with his certificates I could bundle his body into that storage space in the bathroom where the housekeeping fellows keep the extra pillows and mattresses. Then I would call up room service and ask for some complicated meal. (They don’t bring the trolley for small scrambled egg type things.)

Then after eating I would drag Sugandh’s body out, push it into the lower shelf of the trolley, wipe all my fingerprints clean and then push the trolley and keep it outside my door.

Later, when the forensic people ask me questions, I can always say that when I left the trolley outside there was no dead body inside. It must have appeared later.

Just when I was beginning to enjoy this vision Sugandh asked me what the difference is between a biodata and a resume. (Freaking Unbelievable.)

I patiently explained to him that a biodata is an unsophisticated document used for menial jobs and low-profile vacancies like receptionist, storekeeper and salesman. Basically vacancies that did not require engineering or MBA qualifications. Also it was used for arranging marriages.

Resumes, I told him, are meant for more important jobs and for people with more than just one or two educational qualifications. These people are looking to continue, or ‘resume’, on their path of excellence and grow even more. Which is why it is called a resume.

Then he asked me the difference between curriculum vitae and resume.

I told him that he didn’t need to worry about such unnecessary things for now because he was still at the biodata stage of his career.

After one and a half hours I had enough certificates to make half a biodata.

Apparently Sugandh only has a BA in English literature. He has no other training or qualifications. Not one. Nothing. No MBA, no diploma, no leadership development certificate.

I asked him if he had any certificates at all since his BA. He looked through the papers for a while and then showed me an email printout in which he had been awarded ‘Best Employee 2005’ by the owner of a website development company in Hyderabad.

By this stage even I, his sworn mortal enemy, was beginning to feel a little bad for this fellow. So I told him that this was a redeeming factor.

After this I told him to take my laptop and open a new resume template from the MS Word template library. He nodded excitedly and started working on my computer. After ten minutes he turned to me and said that he wanted to clarify what I meant by the term ‘a new resume template from the MS Word template library’.