For the first few minutes I didn’t listen to what she was actually saying. I was imagining Emily in a saree, perhaps dressed for a Diwali party that I am organizing in my hotel room. She is wearing light blue chiffon. And she is waiting to catch a bus near Trafalgar Square. Suddenly it begins to rain very heavily. Within moments the Tube breaks down and buses are caught in traffic. Emily frantically calls me and asks me to help her.

I run to Trafalgar Square and tell her that the only way to deal with this is to walk back to my hotel in the rain. By the time we are halfway across the square she is already drenched to her skin. The chiffon sticks to her body like a second skin. (Thankfully I wear a thickish Marks and Spencer jacket that is drenched but does not cling to my body at all.)

By then her fear has evaporated and she is genuinely enjoying the walk in the rain. Now we are walking past one of the fountains in the Square. There is a spring in her step. Suddenly an evil plan hatches in my mind. Just as we walk past one of the fountains I lean into her and toss her over the ledge. She plunges into the water like a mermaid but without the tail and all that.

I jump in after her. And then I scoop her out of the water, the chiffon embracing both of us in its cold yet hot embrace …

At which point I realized that Emily was looking at me and asking me ‘if I would be free to be part of Group A or Group B’. Immediately I chose Group A. She got up, said thanks to everyone, informed us we’d get details via email shortly. And then she left.

It all happened so quickly. And I don’t even know what Group A is supposed to do.

And now for the bad news. After the meeting got over some of the volunteers suggested we go to a pub nearby. I am still strictly on a no alcohol policy but went along to do some networking and to scope out the other people who will compete with me to make a mark through comedy and management at LLTLF.

Which is when I noticed the Scottish/Irish fellow I told you about before.

The bastard has also decided to volunteer. In addition to spending his time seducing people of all genders using his accent and good looks, he wants to steal Emily from me.

Perhaps I sound a little paranoid. But you should have seen him in the pub. He was cracking jokes and making everybody laugh. Even some stupid Japanese tourist who doesn’t even understand English was buying him a drink and laughing out loud.