I feel giddy and very nauseated.

SHIT. Has to be about the bloody Michael Caine statue. HAS TO BE.

I still have one month of the secondment left. So many thousands of pounds! So many millions of rupees!

FUCK.

5.46 p.m.

JUST MISSED!

THANK YOU JESUS!

Dear Diary, as you know I have been ambivalent about the concept of god and religion for quite some time now. While I did go to church a few times in WIMWI, I haven’t really been a believer, or a fearer of god, at least since 2001.

Yes I have been celebrating Christmas and New Year and other religious festivals regularly. But have I really been doing this with a sense of spirituality and oneness with the almighty?

I don’t think so. Not at all. In fact when was the last time I properly confessed my sins to a priest? I don’t even remember. Maybe 2002. When Porinju uncle visited me in engineering college without warning.

This was before your time, so you may not be aware of this. Inter-hostel cricket tournament was happening. Between the matches Ghosh started dramatically reading out passages from some shady Hindi pornography magazine. For public amusement. Then he insisted that the southies also read a little in our funny accents.

I was halfway through some very poorly written short story about a couple who were doing it with great difficulty in the upper berth of a moving train, when Porinju uncle appeared. I didn’t notice him standing in the shadow behind the wicketkeeper. I was standing in the centre of the pitch, under the lights, and reading very loudly with plenty of hand movements and voice modulation. I also used a high-pitch voice for the girl in the story.

It was all very funny and everyone clapped very loudly. And then I saw uncle standing there with a cardiac arrest look on his face.

Next morning he made me bunk class and go and confess at St Anne’s in the cantonment.

Since then I don’t think I’ve even confessed once.

How many times have I attended mass in church? 15 times in 5 years? I think so.

But now I sincerely believe that there is a god. Full 100%. Not even a little doubt is remaining.

Let me explain.

So this morning I ran to office half-expecting to be fired immediately. By the time I reached most of the Dufresne–Lederman project team had already gathered in Dominic’s room.

As I walked in I could feel my heart beat like a Royal Enfield.

There was complete silence as I walked in and squeezed into a corner, trying to maintain as low a profile as possible. Dominic meanwhile looked into his laptop looking very upset. There were 11 people in the room. And in five minutes the three remaining fellows, two analysts, came in as well.

Dominic asked someone to close the door. And then said nothing for a few moments.