Then just when I thought I’d lost her I saw her standing in one corner with a small packet of yoghurt in her hand. She looked like she was waiting for someone. I kept throwing very strong glances in her direction, hoping to make some eye contact.

After paying for my food, I walked briskly, but effortlessly, towards her general vicinity. But just as I reached near her another fellow, maybe an intern, walked up to her and started chatting with her shamelessly.

Some interns have no idea how to behave in a professional environment. Fool.

But by then it was too late to turn around and avoid her. There was too much momentum and inertia in my body. I ended up standing right next to her smiling.

He was talking to her about some plan the interns were drawing up for the weekend. I think I caught the words ‘pub’ and ‘movie’. I made a mental note to inform Lederman HR about this. If anything, the interns should be hanging out with seniors and seeking mentorship on one-on-one basis.

When I sensed a lull in their inappropriate exchange, I asked her if strawberry was her favourite yoghurt flavour. She smiled at me and then asked me if my stomach was better or if I was still having trouble. And then she suggested that I avoid sushi till ‘things had stabilized’.

Immediately I lifted my plate of food and smashed it into her face before stabbing her in the throat with my fork. Then, while her dying body rolled about in the pooling blood and humus on the canteen floor, I kicked the other intern fellow in his nuts. As he bent down in pain, I pushed him towards the window, opened it, and threw him outside. He fell through the air, howling, before falling face first into the road outside. Where a double-decker London bus, route number 19, drove over him in slow speed.

But only in my mind.

In reality I threw back my head and laughed very very fakely. And told her that usually my constitution is quite good due to regular gymming and Pilates, and that the microphone incident was due to surprise food poisoning.

But just before I could invite her to join me at a table, she said that the interns had a presentation to work on. And quickly left with that shameless fellow.

I didn’t even get a chance to ask her name.

My plan had failed miserably. (As with all my plans these days.)

And by then I had lost my appetite for a second lunch. I was going to throw away my plate, when some of the other guys from the Lederman–Dufresne project team called me to join them at their table.

There was a Lederman VP also with them. Fucked.