‘I’ll miss you, Lucy. If you can keep an eye on Ryan for me.’

‘Can’t you stay? Until he’s finished his exams at least? I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there for your mum, of course you should help but… Fergus, you could ask Melissa and Ryan to go with you after he’s finished sixth form or move your mum down here. You don’t have to end your marriage.’

Fergus runs his thumbnail along the edge of the table.

‘Except it’s not the real reason you’re leaving, is it?’ I study him. ‘Tell me why, Fergus. Please.’

I’m wondering if it’s to do with the residential. ‘I’m so ashamed,’ he had whispered afterwards and I’d thought he’d meant ashamed of himself but what if it was Ryan he was ashamed of instead? Ryan he blames?

He doesn’t look at me, instead poking his finger into the mound of salt and spreading it around the table like a child. Part of me wants to place my hand on top of his and tell him to stop. Talk. But I know you can’t always force people to tell the truth. I think of Connor with his secrets. Aidan’s furtive behaviour.

The things I try to keep hidden.

Fergus continues staring at the Formica, peeling a strip away from the edge of the table, before he lets it fall to the floor, as though he is peeling away the layers of our friendship, tossing away years of shared memories.

It hurts.

‘You know,’ I try a different tactic, ‘Tyler is missing. Connor is so upset. Ryan must be too. We all are.’

Fergus’s face closes down. If he’s shocked or concerned he doesn’t show it.

‘Where do you think Tyler is?’

He shrugs, detached; probably consciously he’s already made the break from us all but still… a boy is missing.

‘The police talked to Aidan.’

This time there’s a flicker of something in his eyes but he quickly lowers them, making a show of checking his watch, not a discreet glance, but raising his wrist. This is so out of character. The Fergus I know cares about everyone. He cares deeply. I try to nudge him into a memory.

‘Do you remember when Connor, Aidan and Tyler—’

‘Lucy, I’ve got to go. Take care.’ In an instant, he’s on his feet, stalking away without a backward glance.

It feels so final.

Kieron is napping. I have a book balanced on my lap but my tears are blurring the page, my head full of Fergus. Melissa. Aidan. Me.

Fergus and Melissa will never reconcile and it isn’t just their loss, it is ours. I glance at Kieron, he’s unaware that the fabric of his world has changed and his world is small, Melissa, Fergus and Ryan making up a huge part of it.