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Back All For You Save as PDF
Chapters (109)
  1. Cover
  2. READERS ARE GIVING ALL FOR YOU FIVE STARS!
  3. Also by Louise Jensen
  4. About the Author
  5. Note to Readers
  6. Prologue
  7. Part One
  8. Chapter One
  9. Chapter Two
  10. Chapter Three
  11. Chapter Four
  12. Chapter Five
  13. Chapter Six
  14. Chapter Seven
  15. Chapter Eight
  16. Chapter Nine
  17. Chapter Ten
  18. Chapter Eleven
  19. Chapter Twelve
  20. Chapter Thirteen
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  35. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  36. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  37. Chapter Thirty
  38. Chapter Thirty-One
  39. Chapter Thirty-Two
  40. Chapter Thirty-Three
  41. Chapter Thirty-Four
  42. Chapter Thirty-Five
  43. Chapter Thirty-Six
  44. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  45. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  46. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  47. Chapter Forty
  48. Part Two
  49. Chapter Forty-One
  50. Chapter Forty-Two
  51. Chapter Forty-Three
  52. Chapter Forty-Four
  53. Chapter Forty-Five
  54. Chapter Forty-Six
  55. Chapter Forty-Seven
  56. Chapter Forty-Eight
  57. Chapter Forty-Nine
  58. Chapter Fifty
  59. Chapter Fifty-One
  60. Chapter Fifty-Two
  61. Chapter Fifty-Three
  62. Chapter Fifty-Four
  63. Chapter Fifty-Five
  64. Chapter Fifty-Six
  65. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  66. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  67. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  68. Chapter Sixty
  69. Chapter Sixty-One
  70. Chapter Sixty-Two
  71. Chapter Sixty-Three
  72. Chapter Sixty-Four
  73. Chapter Sixty-Five
  74. Chapter Sixty-Six
  75. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  76. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  77. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  78. Chapter Seventy
  79. Chapter Seventy-One
  80. Chapter Seventy-Two
  81. Chapter Seventy-Three
  82. Chapter Seventy-Four
  83. Chapter Seventy-Five
  84. Chapter Seventy-Six
  85. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  86. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  87. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  88. Chapter Eighty
  89. Chapter Eighty-One
  90. Chapter Eighty-Twos
  91. Chapter Eighty-Three
  92. Chapter Eighty-Four
  93. Chapter Eighty-Five
  94. Chapter Eighty-Six
  95. Chapter Eighty-Seven
  96. Chapter Eighty-Eight
  97. Chapter Eighty-Nine
  98. Chapter Ninety
  99. Chapter Ninety-One
  100. Part Three
  101. Chapter Ninety-Two
  102. Chapter Ninety-Three
  103. Chapter Ninety-Four
  104. The Following Letter Contains Spoilers
  105. Acknowledgements
  106. Book Club Questions
  107. Extract
  108. Chapter One
  109. About the Publisher

‘Yeah.’ He crosses his arms and leans back against the wall. ‘You have to say that. Perhaps I’ll try it, I’ll disappear and then we’ll both know how you really feel, won’t we? I hate you.’ He runs back into his bedroom and I am left shaking. Wishing he could know what’s in my head, my heart, how I try to give both children the attention they need but sometimes, like now, it’s impossible.

The doorbell rings. A quick check of my watch reveals it’s only eight. Probably the postman.

I open the front door and there, on the step, are a bunch of flowers. There’s no card. For a second I stare at them suspiciously, unsure what to do. Who left them or how to interpret the gesture. It’s ridiculous to think the worst. I thought the dead birds and mice had been left on the step as some kind of warning but they’d only been left there by a cat. These were probably left by a neighbour in support of all we’re going through.

Probably.

The Taken.

Reluctantly, I pick up the flowers. It’s understandable Connor is so stressed. I pop back into the kitchen and fill my favourite green vase with water before I dump the bouquet inside and leave it on the hall table but as I walk away the pungent smell of lilies fills my nostrils and I remember what they are traditionally used for.

They’re funeral flowers.

I drop to my knees seeing the future flash before me. Kieron’s small coffin. His body giving up before he reached the top of the transplant list. Connor hating me. Blaming me for it all. Aidan snapping under the pressure.

I’m alone.

I’m alone.

I’m alone.

A wife without a husband. A mother without any children.

Help me.

I cannot cope with this. I just… can’t.

The flowers. The white car. Connor. Kieron. Aidan.

Hailey.

I’m so so sorry for the things I did, for the things I didn’t do.

‘I hate you,’ Connor had screamed.

I hate me too.

The smell from the flowers fills my nostrils, I crawl down the hallway from them.

A spinning top of thoughts, whirring faster and faster until I’m dizzy.

Missing.

Taken.

Funerals.

Death.

Missing.

Taken.

Funerals.

Death.

I must get up. I must pull myself together, but instead, begin to hum under my breath, a song that is both soothing and painful to me.

I can’t seem to stop.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Aidan