‘Look. I don’t want any trouble.’ Disorientated, Connor pulls himself to his feet.

Ryan stands shoulder to shoulder with him. He doesn’t speak. Not because he is afraid, but because he knows, as Connor knows, that Dino barely knew Hailey. Likely doesn’t give a shit about what happened. He’s acting like a twat to impress Amber, who literally everyone in the school fancies.

Still, as Dino’s eyes bore into him, they are full of hate, which slices through Connor’s memory like lasers. He has seen that look before in Hailey’s father’s eyes at the hospital that night. The bitterness. The disdain. The vein that pulsed on the side of his neck. His jaw clenched so tightly Connor was sure he had been biting down on the words he wanted to say. In that moment, Connor knew what it was to feel so guilty that he wanted to disappear.

All he had been able to do was repeat, ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ Snot and tears had clogged his throat. His eyes, two swollen slits. ‘I’m sorry.’

Connor’s dad had led him away, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Hailey’s father who stood broken and alone.

‘I can’t imagine…’ Dad had shaken his head. He didn’t say anything else. Connor had no idea whether he was angry or sad. Resentful or relieved. Whether Dad felt all of it or none of it.

He had said, ‘Mum?’ One word. A question. A plea. Connor had retained the childish faith that his mum could fix this. His mum could make everything better. And she had tried. It wasn’t until much later that Connor understood she’d made it worse. So very, very worse.

Now he watches warily as Amber and Dino leave, their arms wrapped around each other. Connor aches with the desire to hold. To be held.

‘Sorry about your blazer, Ry,’ he says.

‘Mum’s pretty nifty with a needle and thread. She’ll fix it. Are you okay?’

‘Yeah. Gonna head off though. Thanks again, guys.’ Before they can answer, Connor runs. He doesn’t go back to school. Instead, he sprints home, faltering at the door when he sees what’s on the step but, fuck it, he races upstairs, pulling off his blazer crusted in ketchup and drops it onto the floor. Sits at his computer. Opens Facebook Messenger.

‘Dear Hailey’, he begins. ‘I have a confession to make.’

Chapter Twelve

Lucy

‘Dead mouse,’ is all that Connor says as he hurtles through the door and pounds up the stairs.