‘But if Kieron’s now on the waiting list, then why…’ Aidan gestures to Ryan.

‘I can’t hang around anymore, watching Kieron grow weaker. Disappearing in front of my eyes. When Kieron had sepsis, I thought… I thought…’

‘Lucy, you’re not well. You need help. I know it’s scary waiting…’

‘You don’t understand!’ I’m really not convinced that he does.

‘I do,’ he says. ‘You don’t want to lose Kieron. Neither do I. You’re scared. So am I. Utterly terrified, but you cannot use Ryan to…’

‘But it’s fate.’ I really believe it is.

‘Why? You’re not making any sense.’

‘Catherine.’ I utter just one word before the sadness of remembering what happened eclipses my ability to talk.

Chapter Eighty-One

Aidan

It is clear in Aidan’s mind, in his heart, every single detail of the day Lucy told him she was pregnant. The carpet of orange and brown leaves crunching underfoot as they tramped through the woods with their old Labrador, Brady. The smell of damp earth. The sky, a hopeful blue despite the chill in the air. Her gloved hand in his – there had been no Indian summer that year. The emotions that overwhelmed him, snatched his voice: pride, joy, love. A fleeting doubt that caused his stomach to hop – he was going to be responsible for a family.

‘Are you…’ Lucy couldn’t quite meet his eye. They hadn’t exactly been trying, but they hadn’t exactly been careful either.

‘Bloody ecstatic!’ Aidan’s arms had encircled her waist. He picked her up and spun her around before setting her gently back down with an, ‘Oh God. I’m sorry. I haven’t hurt you… the baby?’

‘I’m not made of china,’ she had laughed.

But to Aidan she felt suddenly fragile. Breakable. He wanted to treat her like a treasured heirloom, wrapping her up and guarding her.

A baby!

‘But how did you… when did you…?’ Aidan’s mouth stretched into the widest smile, couldn’t form any more words.

‘My boobs are sore.’ She cupped them with her hands, laughing again at the disapproving stare of an elderly lady walking past, although Aidan noticed her husband taking a second glance. ‘I thought I’d do a test just to rule it out and…’

‘Have you seen a doctor?’

‘I am a doctor! I can diagnose a pregnancy.’

‘I meant, I don’t know, scans and all that.’

‘Not yet. Do you want to do it?’

‘Make an appointment?’

‘The scan. I could come into the surgery and you could use your ultrasound.’

‘I am not scanning you with the equipment I use for the animals…’ He trailed off as she pushed him lightly on the shoulder and he realized she’d been joking.

‘But I could totally handle the labour. When I was training, I delivered a litter of nine spaniels. Nine!’

‘Christ, the poor mother. One will be enough for us.’

‘For now.’