My fingertips drum the steering while I wait for the temporary traffic lights to change to green, the rain hammering against the roof of the car, windscreen wipers lurching from side to side. It isn’t the crack of lightning that causes my stomach to painfully clench, or the rumble of thunder even though storms always take me back to the time I’d rather forget, but a mother’s instinct.

I’ve felt it before. That bowling ball of dread hurtling towards me.

While I wait, I try Connor’s phone again, calling from mine and then from Kieron’s. He doesn’t pick up.

Drawing in a juddering breath, I tell myself everything is fine.

The lights turn green.

Hurry.

Before I can pull away, there’s a streak of yellow and through the rain a digger trundles towards me, blocking my path.

The song finishes playing on the radio, the news begins. The presenter mentions ‘The Taken’ and I snap it off. Doesn’t he realize he’s talking about real people, real lives. Connor has never been the same since the trip, since he lost Hailey, and being discussed on air, on social media, strangers dissecting his life, is horrific. If I could shield him from it all, I would.

I’ll do anything to keep both of my boys safe.

The driver of the digger raises his hand in appreciation as he passes by me. Before I can pull away the lights revert to red once more. The storm builds. My anxiety builds.

My stomach churns with a sense of foreboding.

‘You never fucking do anything for me.’

I can understand him ignoring my calls, but Kieron’s?

‘You fucked my life up!’

Is he still angry?

‘You love Kieron more than anyone.’

Is he so hurt he’s ignoring us both?

‘You’d be glad if I disappeared like Ryan and Tyler.’

Despite the lights still being red, I pull away. There is no approaching traffic.

Visibility is poor. My heart is racing, as there’s another crack of lightning. I count the seconds the way I used to with the boys when they were small.

One.

Two.

Three.

A grumble of thunder. The storm is closing in. Everything is closing in, crashing down. My stomach is a hard ball, my pulse skyrocketing as a sense of danger gallops towards me.

Hurry.

The urgency to be at home overrides the voice of caution urging me to slow down.

My chest is tight as I pull into my street, my driveway. A whimper of fear leaching from my lips as I see the front door swinging open.

Without waking Kieron, I half fall, half step out of the car, my shoes slipping on wet tarmac as I rush towards my house.

‘Connor?’ I am calling his name although there is a part of me instinctively knowing that he won’t answer.

Can’t answer.

‘Connor?’