Because that’s what it’s all about when you think about it, about making a supreme effort and rising up to another level of existence. Another plateau. Another world where everyone knows my name and wants my autograph and smiles at me wherever I go. Listens to my opinions even when I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I’ll go to a diner and the waitress will cut me an extra slice of pie. Go on a plane and the stewardess will flirt with me while she fluffs my pillow. I’ll be walking down the street and someone will shout out the window: “HEY, ERIC! ALRIGHT, MAN!” And someone else will turn and say: “Is he somebody famous?” And a huge chorus will cry: “Don’t you know who that is?”

I won’t have to wait anymore. People will wait for me. No more lines at the bank, at the movie theatre. No more: (Mimes secretary) “Please hold, I’ll see if he’s in.” No more: (Mimes patronizing maître d’) “Yes, sir, we have your reservation right here. Your table will be ready in about forty-five minutes. Would you like to sit at the bar while you wait?” (In response) No! I don’t want to sit at the bar. If I wanted to sit at a bar, I would have made a reservation at a bar, wouldn’t I???

I’ll be so rich and famous they’ll throw people out of the restaurant just to make room for me! (The patronizing maître d’ rushes up to a table) “I’m sorry, sir, someone more important than you has just arrived and we need the table. You have to go now. Please, hurry up. You can take your crème brûlée with you. You can eat it in the alley.” (Turns, his face lighting up) “Yes, Mr. Bogosian, right this way, so happy you could join us this evening. We have a lovely table for you. Is this table to your liking?” (Pulling out chair and fussing) “Here’s your napkin! Would you like ground pepper with that?” (Realizing his mistake, he becomes completely flustered and backs away, twittering) “Oh, Mr. Bogosian, Mr. Bogosian, Mr. Bogosian!!!” (Bowing, scraping, licking the floor etc.)

(Returns to normal voice, but more histrionic; addresses the audience:)

To be above the lines, above the crowds, above the norm! To be loved by millions never again to be touched by one! Never again to be crushed in the fray, everyone would know me, but from afar! Real far!