He drinks too much I said. And I can’t cope with another pisshead.

That’s a bit rich coming from somebody who set up a free bar at a funeral tea.

We sniggered in unison.

Now you can tell me what really happened stefan said. He looked as innocent as ever. Bror did your father in didn’t he.

I wouldn’t know about any did in. He murdered him. Cleaved his head with a spade. It was war. Him or us.

But his own father he said.

That’s right his own father I said.

What happened afterwards johan asked. I mean what happened to your brother.

I looked at johan. He spoke very little. Even so he was somehow getting to me. He reminded me of the people in the village afterwards. They wanted to know every single detail but hadn’t shown the slightest interest in us before or raised a finger to help us despite knowing what father was like.

We’ll talk about that some other time I said. In the silence that followed my discouraging reply I remembered and could not keep the images at bay. I leaned back on the red waiting room 145sofa. Closed my eyes and retreated into the scene I had feasted on during the long lonely years without bror.

We were sitting together on the floor of the byre enjoying a calm we had never felt before and which we knew wouldn’t last. But in that moment. With father lying dead under the feed sack and the animals milked. At peace. Life was perfect. Everyone has a moment to treasure. This one was ours.

After an hour or so mother came down to the byre. She had made breakfast and wondered where we all were. She saw us first. Bror with muck all over his body and me in a white milkingcoat that was no longer so white.

She went to father’s body and lifted the feed sack. Looked at him for a long time and then put the sack back down over his head.

She put his hands together as if for prayer and then clasped her own hands. We followed her example.

Together we prayed fatherforgiveusoursinsasweforgivethosewhohavesinnedagainstus.

I suppose I had better phone the police straightaway she said.

146

TWENTYSEVEN

Are you jana. A nurse was approaching. Could you please come with me now. She moved quickly. Checked her pager. Shouted things to people as she passed. Opened the door to a room and asked me to enter.

It was a nurses’ office. Bror wasn’t there. Where is bror I asked. Is he alive.