I skipped across rocks and stones. Ploughed through firseedlings bog myrtle wild rosemary blueberry shrubs and stopped only when I was at the chapel on the north side of afta hill. My feet were bleeding. One sleeve of my pyjamas was badly ripped. I went into the chapel to stand right in front of the wooden altar.

Jesus looked down on me. The apostles and the prophets looked down on me. Maria looked at her child.

I sat on a pew. I heard the door open and close. Someone came in. God was everywhere around us. I sensed his gentle muzzle on my cheek. His breath against my hand. If I had pulled the hayfork out father would have died and I would have been a murderer. Instead father lived and limerick was dead. This was not an act of god. It was my own fault.

I wanted to light a candle but I had neither matches nor money to pay for it.

I thought god would know for whom I lit that candle. I turned to look at the person who had sat down a few pews behind me.

It was no one I knew.

Has something happened he asked. You look so sad.

The butcher’s lorry came for the horse I said. I want to light a candle but have no matches.

He got up and held out a lighter.

Then I can well understand why you’re sad he said looking at me with his strange eyes. They were only black. As if the white bits were missing.

I don’t know what to do with it I said.

He put his hand on mine. We lit the candle together and prayed for limerick. I walked home through the forest. Too tired to run. 129

Father was seated at the table eating. Slurping meatsoup with dumplings.

He didn’t look up when I came in.

130

TWENTYTHREE

On the day of the funeral there were two coffins in the church. A flower arrangement befitting an older person was placed on ingelahansson’s dark brown coffin. The atmosphere was quietly dignified.

Fredrik and stefan had been talking. The outcome was a practical solution. Instead of bands like europe and queen we sang hymns. Morninghasbroken and thedaythougavest. Katarina would understand.

The organ played and people filed into the church. It became almost full. Ingelahansson had been a regular churchgoer and many of them turned up. Those who were still alive and capable enough that is. But katarina’s contemporaries were few and far between. True, she had lived in ume for quite a while but even so. I wondered if fredrik had bothered to get in touch or even announce the funeral in the local paper. Bror was also missing. I tried to remember when I had last seen him.