We tumbled in and sat down opposite her. She looked up for a moment but carried on with her stitching. Asked if we would like a biscuit and some tea. It was her way of imposing order. Biscuit and tea.

Then suddenly I saw how it all worked. I left the bedroom and closed the door. Pushed it into place as laboriously as I had opened it. 248

Mother had the parish congregation. I had the yellowroom. John had his bestroom. Allanberg his bedroom. Nicenora her kitchen. A place where you could be free. Or a prisoner.

I did not touch the gun or the head at rest. But I did do my job. Pulled off the shitty trousers and underpants. Cleaned him with wipes from the homecare services resource pack and found unused things to put on him. All neat and tidy as mother used to say. You mustn’t meet your doctor or your maker in dirty underwear.

In the kitchen I found a washing machine hidden behind a folded curtain hanging from a steel wire. I stuffed it with the dirty clothing I found scattered in the house and picked the hottest programme. He lived in incomprehensible misery. Had lived. In a lair where filth and foost had built up over the years like a green-mouldcheese. The sofa was bulging with its load of newspapers homeservice readymeal boxes empty cigarettepackets beercans and clothing. The wooden floor was bare and the walls had lost any trace of wallpaper. Chairs with ripped seats and unstoreable scrap from the farm had been stacked along the walls until only a footstepwide path remained between the kitchen and what was once the sitting room.

Surely no human being should have to live like this. Not even an arsehole like allanberg.

Then I called the nurse. Afterwards I did what I was best at. I tidied up.

249

FORTYTHREE

Allanberg was taken off the homecare service lists but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. A man who had erased himself. Allanberg’s life must have been unchanged for many years. Why shoot himself just now.

During the break while I microwaved my midday piece I asked ingermarklund if she knew who was keeping the bedroom at allanberg’s clean and tidy. She thought for a bit and then shook her head.

No I don’t. No idea. Then it struck her it could have been maria but if so it must have been some time ago. He didn’t want to pay for cleaning you see ingermarklund explained. Even so we did try to make it look a bit more orderly but it just made him cross. He didn’t fancy owing anyone for anything as he said.

Do you know if allanberg was married I asked and again she had to search her memory.