A celebrity told us on television that forgiving is not what you do for others he began. Forgiving is what you do for your own sake. 281

Is that so I thought.

Bror’s hands were still tightly clasped.

Forgive us our sins it says in the bible. As we forgive those who sin against us.

No way I thought. Never.

But what does it actually means to forgive another person. Why is it so important. After all forgiveness isn’t about accepting whatever has been done. Nor is it pretending that nothing has happened. It is a way of letting go of what makes us bitter and angry. To forgive is to move on.

He made a rhetorical pause. Glanced at the congregation.

We have all met people whom we find hard to forgive. Whether it is in a war or in love at work in the family or in friendship. But if we do not forgive we become unable to lead a full life. And if we ourselves are not forgiven then that is how we would end up.

In gehenna I whispered to bror. We would end up in gehenna.

We are in gehenna he whispered back. Always have been.

The organ boomed into the prelude to leadkindlylight. We all stood.

Lead kindly light amidst th’encircling gloom. The night is dark and I am far from home. Keep thou my feet. I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step is enough for me.

Then we said our father. I didn’t know the new translation. Fumbled like a dyslexic with the simplified sentences.

We approached the altar. Knelt. Waited to taste the body of jesus.

When it was our turn the minister stopped. Looked at the twins and said. The body of christ sacrificed for you. Put the wafer on each of our tongues. 282

The blood of christ spilt for you. He held out the chalice for us to drink. Not even at holy communion were we seen as individuals.

If I was to save myself from the burning fires of hell I would have to save my brother too.

283

FORTYEIGHT

It was time for the staff party at kippofarm.

Eighteen homecarers plus märitljungqvist and bror were standing together holding glasses of champagne toasting the great evening ahead. Even minus had come along.

We had laid the table in the bestroom. To seat everyone we had extended the table with both the extra table inserts. It all followed a set ritual with the felt cover first the homewoven linen tablecloth and on top a few embroidered runners with messages for all.

Bror had insisted on choosing the runners. He had carried a box down from the attic and spread the embroideries out on the floor.

There were hundreds of them.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. Vengeance is mine. I will repay saith the lord.