And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive men for their sins, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men for their sins, neither will your father forgive your sins.

Now you will understand what I wanted to tell you father said. I forgive you. We will draw a line over all that has been and return 111to where everything was before. He smiled towards us and held his hands out like jesus.

The doctor says I will be discharged soon. And then I’ll be back home he said and his eyes held mine until I looked away.

It’s for the best mother said and began to button her coat. Wellwell. We’re looking forward to that.

112

TWENTY

John had caught whitefish out at sea. They were in a bucket. He was scaling and cleaning them.

I sat at the kitchen table watching him. Tell me something about maria I said. I want to know more about her I said even though I wasn’t sure if I did. Do you have a photo.

Yes he said and pulled out one of the kitchen drawers. Rooted among bills and other letters until he found the right envelope.

He chose between the photos and gave me one taken at the seaside. She was sitting on a rock. Didn’t look into the camera but she was easy to spot anyway.

She looked like us. The same lanky hair despite not being an albino.

I don’t get it I said. Everyone says we were so different. I thought she was darkhaired. She’s older but otherwise.

You are rather similar he said but at the same time not. She was taller and heavier.

Do you want to be with me because you really want to be with her I asked.

He didn’t reply. Opened the window and shook crumbs and fish scales off the tablecloth.

I got up. It’s no good I said. Besides I’ll have to be at work soon. Emotions were rummaging about inside me. I didn’t even know I had them. 113

I collected my things. Held on to the photo. Turned it over. A few words were written on the back. Dear göran. We will soon meet again. A heart.

Who took the photo I asked.

I did he said. He was putting the whitefish fillets on a platter. I’ve got more here he said and pulled the drawer out again. Same image. Different names. He made a fan of them like someone selling bingo lottery tickets.

The evening shift began when the day shift ended. I put my sandwich box in the fridge. Picked up the schedule and keys. Too weary to talk. Someone said something but I couldn’t be bothered. Took my jacket and left. I called john driving to ingelahansson. He answered with his number.