“Here, let me help you.” He places a knee on the bed, sinking it further. My body rolls to his side and he has to catch me. “Whoa. I’ve got you,” he says as I end up wrapped in his arms again. I throw an arm over his stomach, pulling him down with me, and end up with my head on his chest.

“Maybe you should stay here for a while,” I say, only half joking. “After all, you’re the one who made me this way. It’s your fault I’m all busted up.”

Nas smiles as he settles into the mattress with his back against the headboard. He lets out a sigh before saying, “Well, I guess it’s the least I can do. Let’s give it a few minutes and try again.”

“Are you sure? I wasn’t trying to stop you from whatever you were sneaking away to do, especially if you were going to go write. I would never want to stop that.”

There’s a brief pause before Nas clears his throat. “Yeah, I tend to have ideas when I first wake up, but it’s no biggie. I’ll stay with you for a while. Like you said, it’s my fault you’re sore, right?”

A flashback from last night snaps into my mind, and I moan like it’s still happening. “That’s definitely true. It’s the best pain, though.”

“I must admit, I’m truly awed by your ability to take it,” Nas says. I blush a little as he continues. “It’s actually strange to have met someone whose masochism matches my sadism. I was really rough with that pinwheel, and you took it like a champ. You impress me, Alina.”

“Really?” I ask. Unprompted feelings of shame suddenly rise in my chest, giving me heartburn. “I still worry you’ll think less of me because of it.”

Nas shifts his weight, making my head move as he tries to look down at me. “Why do you keep thinking that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just used to it. My ex, and society tend to do a number on the minds of women. Especially women they see as promiscuous.”

“Fuck your ex, and definitely fuck society,” Nas says, spitting the words out with an emphasis on the expletives. “Alina, your masochism is nothing to be ashamed of. I feel like you view it as something dark and dreadful, as if you have the same desires as a murderer. You have a kink and that’s really all it is. It’s not dark or demonic. It’s your desire, and it’s not wrong. You have to stop viewing it as something to be embarrassed or apologetic about. You should own it. It’s who you are. It’s what makes you special.”