Pride rises in my throat, dousing the fire of heartburn I felt just a moment ago. I pinch my lips together, thinking about how right he is. I’ve always thought my darkness was shameful—something that needed to be hidden away from the eyes of society. I wasn’t even able to identify it because I was so afraid of how it would make me feel to truly know I was someone who enjoyed pain with my pleasure. I thought it made me a deviant, but Nas makes it all sound so good.

“Well, when you put it so eloquently, how am I supposed to deny it?” I quip. Nas chuckles above me as I place my hand on his stomach and run circles on the fabric of his tank top. “I really appreciate the way you talk about it. You have the confidence I’ve always struggled to find in myself, and being with you makes it easier to accept. It’s truly motivating.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you should apply that same logic to yourself?”

Nas frowns so hard I can feel his face shifting from here. “What? Isn’t it obvious that I have no problem admitting who I am to anyone? I’m not ashamed of being a Dom or a sadist.”

“I’m not talking about that,” I reply. “I’m talking about how you don’t use your real name for your books. You change it from Nas to Nathan as if your real name is wrong. We live in a fucked-up world, and even someone as confident as you has things they feel the need to hide from judgmental eyes. But, your name isn’t something you should hide. It’s not something for you to be ashamed of. Nasir is a beautiful and unique name. Fit for a king. You should be proud of it.”

Nas shifts again, and the sound of his hammering heartbeat can be heard in the pit of his stomach.

“That’s different,” he says, but his words have no backbone. “This is business, and I’m trying to make my living by writing. My real name could result in alienating my fanbase, causing me to lose money.”

“Maybe that’s true,” I answer. “But, do you want people who would scoff at your name because it’s traditionally Black to buy your books anyway? You said fuck society, and that includes the racist part of society that won’t purchase a book because it’s written by a Black man, or because it centers Black characters. I think we have that in common. I shouldn’t give a fuck about the acceptance or approval of people who are vanilla and uneducated about BDSM terms, like sadist and masochist. You shouldn’t want the money of people who wouldn’t pick up your book if Nasir Booker was written on the front. Fuck them all. Right?”