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Chapters (103)
  1. Cover
  2. ALSO BY BIANCA MARAIS
  3. Dedication
  4. Map
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  44. CHAPTER FORTY
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  54. CHAPTER FIFTY
  55. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
  62. CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
  63. CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
  64. CHAPTER SIXTY
  65. CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
  66. CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
  67. CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
  68. CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
  69. CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
  70. CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
  71. CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
  72. CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
  73. CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
  74. CHAPTER SEVENTY
  75. CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
  76. CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
  77. CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
  78. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
  79. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
  80. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
  81. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
  82. CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
  83. CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
  84. CHAPTER EIGHTY
  85. CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE
  86. CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
  87. CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
  88. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
  89. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE
  90. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
  91. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN
  92. CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT
  93. CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE
  94. CHAPTER NINETY
  95. CHAPTER NINETY-ONE
  96. CHAPTER NINETY-TWO
  97. CHAPTER NINETY-THREE
  98. CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR
  99. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  100. GLOSSARY OF TERMS
  101. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  102. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  103. What’s next onyour reading list?

What a cruel twist of fate that the first time I saw my son was just after I’d given him life, and the next was almost thirty-nine years later when he was fighting so hard to cling to it. I could never have foreseen that, nor that it would be Father Thomas—the very man I’d so desperately loved and who’d cast me out—who’d be the priest praying at my son’s bedside, standing between us once again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Ruth

11 May 1994

Verdriet, Magaliesburg, South Africa

The baby is asleep between us on the couch as Dee stammers her way through the story. She’s gotten back into her pajamas even though it’s almost midday and she pulls her ratty old gown tightly around herself.

She’s too thin, but then she’s always been lean whereas I’m voluptuous.

Voluptuous.

The word conjures an image like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat: Dee in her wedding dress during her novice reception ceremony. How stupid I was. She wasn’t fat, she was pregnant.

The thought enrages me, as does the knowledge that she gave the child up. “Why didn’t you just leave the convent and come home with the baby?”

“You say it like it would have been the easiest thing in the world. It was 1955, Ruth. Unwed Catholic mothers weren’t allowed to keep their babies then. Their little ‘bastards’ were sent to orphanages, and those who weren’t lucky enough to be adopted were raised in terrible conditions.” She gazes off, eyes unfocused, and then startles me with a humorless laugh. “And could you imagine what that would have done to Ma? My leaving to become a nun and coming back unmarried with a baby when I was eighteen? God, it would have killed her.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Letting them keep Daniel and raise him was the best solution for everyone. I did what was best for him.”

Jezebel suddenly gets up from where she’s lying on the floor and pads over to the baby to nuzzle his face. He squints and looks like he’s going to wake up. “Jezebel, no!” Dee flinches as though I’ve slapped her. “What? I don’t want her waking him.”

“You’ve named the dog Jezebel?”

“Yes, so what? Does it offend your sensibilities? It’s just a funny name.” I don’t let her get a word in. I’m not in a mood for a lecture about respecting the Bible, not today of all days when my holier-than-thou sister has been revealed to be nothing but a hypocrite. “So, how did you get the church to not tell Ma and Da?”