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Chapters (103)
  1. Cover
  2. ALSO BY BIANCA MARAIS
  3. Dedication
  4. Map
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  44. CHAPTER FORTY
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  54. CHAPTER FIFTY
  55. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
  62. CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
  63. CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
  64. CHAPTER SIXTY
  65. CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
  66. CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
  67. CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
  68. CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
  69. CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
  70. CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
  71. CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
  72. CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
  73. CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
  74. CHAPTER SEVENTY
  75. CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
  76. CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
  77. CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
  78. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
  79. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
  80. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
  81. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
  82. CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
  83. CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
  84. CHAPTER EIGHTY
  85. CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE
  86. CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
  87. CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
  88. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
  89. CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE
  90. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
  91. CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN
  92. CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT
  93. CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE
  94. CHAPTER NINETY
  95. CHAPTER NINETY-ONE
  96. CHAPTER NINETY-TWO
  97. CHAPTER NINETY-THREE
  98. CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR
  99. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  100. GLOSSARY OF TERMS
  101. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  102. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  103. What’s next onyour reading list?

If a man wet his lips too much or opened his lips a fraction too wide—perhaps touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable or made you sit on his lap just a bit too long—that was no excuse to avoid him the next time. In fact, if you did, it was viewed as being extremely bad mannered, and there was no greater indictment of a child, or their parents, than declaring them to be lacking in manners. It was a girl’s duty to grin and bear it. No matter what any man did, she absolutely wasn’t to make a fuss.

It was a dysfunctional way to be raised and judging by how I’d allowed Father Thomas to treat me, first at the convent all those years ago and then recently at the hospital, it was a way of thinking that I hadn’t grown out of. I had so many regrets since Daniel’s passing, but not standing up to the priest and asserting myself was the greatest of them. I took vicarious pleasure in hearing Ruth rage against a system that had always made me feel so powerless.

Her sudden knock at my door startled me.

When she stepped inside, Jezebel immediately ran out of the room as though desperate to be free of me and my melancholy. “Riaan’s here again to see you,” Ruth said quietly. “Are you coming out?”

I shook my head.

“Are you sure? You’ve been cooped up for ages. A bit of company might do you a world of good.”

“No, Ruth. I’m not up for visitors.” My voice was scratchy from lack of use.

“Okay.” She sighed. “Can’t say I don’t wish it was Vince knocking the door down every day. I’m tired of lying to the poor man and making excuses for you, though,” she said before leaving.

I could hear her murmuring an explanation.

“Did I do something wrong?” Riaan asked. “Is she upset with me?” I felt a stab of guilt at that, that he’d think he was to blame for anything.

“No,” Ruth said. “It’s not you.” After that, I could only make out fragments: “she’s had some bad news . . . she lost someone close to her . . . isn’t taking it well.”

I was grateful to Ruth for her rare diplomacy as I got back into bed and closed my eyes.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Zodwa

19 November 1994

Big Hope Informal Settlement, Magaliesburg, South Africa

Stubble scratches against Zodwa’s neck, rough like sandpaper. She turns over, wincing at the stab of pain in her forehead. On her back, staring up at the shack roof, she can smell the stale beer on Ace’s breath.