“That’s not true.” But I flush as I say it. “Look, I’m not going to lie. I was devastated when I found out you were Mandla’s mother. I not only felt betrayed, but also like your being here undermined the relationship Mandla and I had. It was as if I’d just been playacting at being his mother because you’d been there as a safety net all along. Does that make sense?”

Zodwa nods and I’m encouraged to go on.

“But then, when I thought about it afterward, I realized how desperately I’d needed that safety net. I’d hoped that Dee would be that for me, but she didn’t want Mandla here at first and so she wasn’t any help at all. I needed you, Zodwa, but I didn’t realize it. You were good for me and held me to a higher standard.”

“I needed you to be a better mother to him.”

“And I became a better mother, didn’t I?”

She nods.

“Well, that was thanks to you.”

“But we can’t both be his mother.”

And just like that we’re at the crux of it. “No.”

“Mandla cannot call you Mama anymore, Ruth.” It’s the first time she’s called me by my name without prefacing it with madam and she looks at me with a challenge in her eyes. “I’m his mother.”

“I know.” Jesus, this is going to be tough. Tougher than I thought.

“He can call you Granny,” she says, as though reading my thoughts from earlier. I swear there’s an evil glint in her eye as she says it.

“God, no!” I gasp. “Do I really look that old to you?” She laughs, which is what I was hoping for. “Look, we’ll figure it all out, okay? I promise you that we’ll find a means to make it work in a way that you’re happy with. Just let me recover and get my strength back and we can take it from there. Will you do that for me? Please just stay for now?”

She thinks for a minute and then nods. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit, but thanks for asking.”

“Delilah wants to take you back to the doctor. She says the medicine isn’t working.”

“I know. I said we could go tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll let you sleep.” She stands and turns to go.

“Zodwa?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

And I mean it. I’ve never been more grateful for anything in my life.

CHAPTER NINETY-ONE

Delilah

6 August 1996

Verdriet, Magaliesburg, South Africa

I’d just made Ruth a cup of herbal tea when the phone rang. It was Vince, calling to check on how she was doing.

“Not much better, I’m afraid. These antibiotics don’t seem to be having any effect. I’m taking her to see a specialist this afternoon.”