How clearly Zodwa can see it all now: how everything began and ended the very second she laid eyes on Thembeka. How strange that a person can look back on her life and see all the tiny decisions and actions—even the moments of inertia in which nothing appeared to be happening at all—all the trailing comets of them hurtling forward like fireworks, not into nothingness or insignificance, but toward a future moment, a split second, in which everything came together in an explosion of certainty and unity so that you could only gasp: Oh! So that’s where it was all leading to.

There are so many bright memories with Thembeka to choose from, and Zodwa hops between them like a magpie, picking out the shiniest ones with which to distract herself. She sees Thembeka, soon after they met, on the day Zodwa was teaching her how to balance a bucket of water on her head.

“You city girls think you know everything,” Zodwa teased. “And while knowing how to catch a taxi to Pretoria has its uses, knowing how to carry water while still keeping your hands free to carry firewood is even more important.”

Thembeka laughed but still she tried it, yelping in pride when the bucket didn’t immediately topple off.

“Okay, now walk,” Zodwa encouraged.

After four shuffling steps, the bucket tilted sharply and before Thembeka could get her hands up to steady it, it tumbled down, soaking both her and Zodwa in the process. They fell against each other, weak with hilarity, and Zodwa felt Thembeka’s heart beating against her palm for the very first time.

The second time was just before the rape, when she and Thembeka were sitting on the bed in Thembeka’s shack doing their homework. A long piece of plyboard was balanced on their knees, serving as their makeshift desk, and a textbook was laid out before them.

Zodwa finished all the exercises on the page and took a break while Thembeka copied the last two sums down. As Zodwa waited for Thembeka to finish, she pulled a small tin of Vaseline from her shirt pocket, opened the lid, and dipped her finger inside before spreading the shiny substance over her lips.

The motion of her finger was so meditative that she got lost in a trance, spreading more Vaseline on than she normally would. When she snapped out of it and turned to Thembeka, she found her friend watching her, her eyes fixed on Zodwa’s mouth.

“I want some too,” Thembeka said.