8 April 1994

Dearest Delilah,

This letter may come as a complete surprise to you or it may be one that you’ve been waiting thirty-eight years for. Regardless, I hope that its arrival is a welcome one and that I’m not imposing on you as that’s the last thing I would ever want. If you choose not to reply, I will respect that completely.

Where to begin? With an introduction, I suppose. My name is Father Daniel Da Silva and I am your son. How strange it feels to write that, yet how wonderful too, to claim you: you are my mother.

I suspected for many years that the young nun, Sister Mary Teresa, who was excommunicated from the convent where I grew up was you, but it was only recently confirmed. Still, even after learning this, I may not have tried to reach out had I not discovered my father’s identity and come to suspect the circumstances surrounding my conception.

Let me start by saying that I had a wonderful childhood. I was coddled and spoiled more than a child raised in a convent ever should be. Sister Marguerite, who you may remember, has served as my surrogate mother and I’ve wanted for absolutely nothing over the years: not love, affection, moral guidance, or material things.

While I was growing up, I viewed Father Thomas Da Silva as a father figure. I was given his last name, and I can’t remember a time that he wasn’t a part of my life. I worshipped him as a child and it was his influence that led me to the seminary. Being a priest like him was all I ever wanted to be. So, you can imagine how shocked I was two years ago to hear of the allegations the young congregants made against him.

I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t believe them at first, because Father Thomas immediately went on the attack, vehemently denying their version of events. He further went on to use personal information that they’d confided in him in order to discredit them. It was only once I planned to speak out in his defense at his request that Sister Marguerite shared her own experiences with him and what she suspected your similar experience may have been.

It was devastating discovering that the man I idolized, and had tried so much to emulate, was a monster. As was finding out that I had been conceived by such a violent act of treachery. I cannot even begin to imagine how devastating it must have been for you, being a young woman on your own, wanting to dedicate your life to God and being so terribly betrayed by both Father Thomas and the church.

I want you to know that I don’t blame you for leaving me. You were frightened and alone, and had all choice taken from you. I know you were threatened and that Father Thomas used his considerable influence to keep me with him while excommunicating you.

I went in search of you last month after Sister Marguerite gave me your last-known address before you left for the convent. I knew it was a long shot, but there was always a chance that you may have returned. At the very least, I hoped to find family there but as you know, they are all long gone.

My only hope now of making contact is through this letter. I hope that it somehow makes its way to you and that you would consider writing back. While it’s true that I had an idyllic childhood, I always felt as though something were missing. Is it possible to miss something you never had? To yearn for and love someone you’ve never met?

I believe so.

It would mean so much to me if we could have a relationship. I hope you will consider it.

Your son,

Daniel