‘No, but why would I? He’s seventeen. Not seven. Look, I don’t know how long I’ll be at the station but I’ll come to the ward afterwards.’

‘Can you go home instead? Connor’s understandably upset.’

‘Okay. I’ll come tomorrow afternoon after my rounds but ring if you need me before.’

The stretch in my shoulders gives a little. It’s a solution, not ideal but at least I can stay here and know that Connor won’t be alone.

Nine days until Connor is taken

The second I wake after an uncomfortable and unsettled night I call Connor. I don’t know whether he’s getting ready for school or angry with me. Hurt I didn’t come home. My shoulders twinge, my arms aching for both of my boys. I had a choice and I chose to stay with Kieron. Not because he’s my favourite but because I’d never forgive myself if I wasn’t here and something happened. I must explain that to Connor again. I assumed he was old enough to understand but after Kieron telling me that Connor thinks I love his brother more than him I must make things clear. I don’t want him to bury his resentment, let it fester until his relationship with me is poisoned. Toxic feelings will eventually seep out. Nothing stays hidden forever, does it?

There’s a shift in my stomach. A discomfort born of the inevitability of the truth escaping.

What exactly did Connor tell the police yesterday?

Sandra is on shift again. She hands me a steaming coffee before taking Kieron’s temperature. ‘Much better! You might be able to go home later.’

‘Hope so,’ Kieron says.

We’ve only been away a few days but it seems longer. Usually, it’s like a bubble in here. The outside world pales into insignificance, not quite real. The news about Tyler has popped that bubble. How distraught his mum must be, the thought of not knowing where your child is, is unimaginable. Oh God. I chew my fingers, the skin around my nails already broken. Where is Tyler? I’m so fond of him. How can he be here one second and gone the next? He’s a hulking great teenager not a bloody rabbit in a hat. I wrench off a piece of skin with my teeth and my finger begins to bleed. I wipe it on my trousers. What if it were Connor? What would we do?

Missing.

A soft word with hard connotations.

At nine, I call Aidan and check Connor went to school and then call the school to make sure he is there. He is, but still it’s impossible to relax.

What can have happened to Tyler? My knee jitters up and down.

Missing.