Aidan looks at Lucy in surprise and she flashes him a quick smile. ‘Sometimes I hate everyone a bit too. It’s only natural. The why-me’s. The why-us’s. Illness is so random but sometimes it can feel so personal, like an attack.’

Aidan nods. He doesn’t know why he is surprised she knows how he feels – she feels it too. All at once he wants to drop to his knees, wrap his arms around her legs and push his face into her hip. Let her stroke his hair, soothe him, like a mother would a child.

‘I wish…’ He swallows hard. ‘I wish Kieron was hanging out with his mates right now and… and…’ His eyes well. He closes them and presses his fingertips hard against his lids. This is not how a man should behave. This is not how a father should behave but nevertheless tears leak down his cheek.

‘It’s okay to cry.’ Lucy’s arms snake around his shaking shoulders. ‘It’s okay. Shhh.’

He allows her to hold him.

‘It’s okay. Shhh.’

Each syllable as soft as down.

He clings to her tightly, until his body has stopped shaking and then he releases his grip although he doesn’t let her go.

She kisses his cheek, still wet with tears. ‘Is there anything else you want to talk about?’ she whispers.

He tries to say no but those two letters stick in his throat along with the lie and the shame and his guilt.

He gently pushes her away.

‘Sorry. It just got a bit… much.’ He says ‘much’ at the same time she says ‘shit’ and they both laugh. It’s a release. He raises her palm to his mouth and presses his lips against it.

‘Are you staying here tonight?’ He already knows she will be. She always does when Kieron is admitted.

‘Yes. How long are you hanging around for?’

‘About another half an hour. I’ve still got two more appointments today. I’ll drop Ryan and Tyler home on my way so you can have some quiet time with Connor and Kieron. I’ll come back to say goodnight and pick Connor up when I’m done.’ It’s not the right time but still he asks, ‘Is it odd, Lucy? Being in the hospital? Without working, I mean. Do you miss it?’

‘No,’ she tells him but her eyes say yes. ‘A little. I have thought about coming back but…’ She stares at the floor. ‘I’ve so much on my mind I wouldn’t be fully present if I was here and if I made a mistake…’

‘It might be good to have something else to—’

‘I saw Agnes earlier.’

For a moment Aidan is thrown and then he remembers – the nurse who lost a child. His stomach tightens with sadness.

‘She’s been struck off.’

‘Why?’

‘Because she wasn’t fully present. And she made mistakes.’