‘I don’t.’ He’s no longer shouting.

‘Kieron would give anything to go back to school tomorrow.’ She covers her mouth with her hand as soon as the words fire from her lips. Connor glares at her, hating her, but he softens when he sees that she hates herself enough for the both of them.

He despises her and he loves her. He wants her to suffer and yet he doesn’t. He wants to push her away but he so badly needs a hug.

Over these past few months she’s been slowly unravelling and as often as she tells Connor that it wasn’t his fault, he can’t look her in the eye and tell her the same although he knows she longs to hear it from him. Needs to hear it from him. Still he stabs the sharp pin of blame into her again and again with more force than necessary, the way he had once tried to fix the tail onto the paper donkey she had carefully drawn for his birthday party.

She looks so small. So tired.

‘How did it go at the hospital?’ His words are a white flag.

Her body droops – a balloon released of air. This time her brief smile is genuine. Grateful Connor isn’t picking a fight.

‘It was…’ She looks at him helplessly.

‘Mum, I’m not a child any more. Tell me what happened.’

‘Dr Peters says that Kieron isn’t at the stage of needing a transplant.’

‘And you?’ Connor asks. ‘What do you think?’ He sees the surprise on her face and notes her hesitation before she replies as though she’s saying what she should, rather than what she actually feels.

‘Maybe I’m overreacting and it is a little soon.’

‘But… four more years, Mum.’ It hangs over them.

‘Potentially. It won’t come to that. Mr Peters is certain and we have to trust him. He’s the expert.’

‘But you’re—’

‘About to start dinner. Kieron wants you to go and see him, okay?’ She glances out of the window, chewing her lip nervously, before she leaves.

‘Hey.’ Connor pokes his head around Kieron’s door.

‘Connor!’ The joy in Kieron’s voice is palpable. Connor knows that in his younger brother’s eyes he is Santa Claus, Luke Skywalker and James Bond all rolled into one. Connor plucks the paperback from this brother’s hands. ‘I’ll read to you.’ He settles himself on the bed, swinging his legs up, and clears his throat in readiness for the voices he’ll do for each of the characters, but before he begins he double-checks.

‘Are you positive you want this one? We both know the story off by heart now.’

‘But I love it.’

‘Are you sure it’s not just Jennifer Lawrence you love?’ Connor raises his eyebrows as he tilts his head towards the poster of Katniss Everdeen, crossbow in her hands.